Sunday, May 08, 2005,7:33 AM
Don't feel like working..
Its been quite a long time now, since I am awake, but apparently, I am not working. As Parag rightly predicted, the project work will slow down in his absence. The work seems to be huge, besides I am yet to start with the CVIT project. I am leaving on 23rd, and thats making me worried because I haven't worked a lot on the project, actually not even started.

Now that I am completely alone (ohh ya, sometimes friends do come to my room and see what am I doing, but thats not very often), I should work. I don't know why I am not. My mobile phone balance has been coming down exponentially, and I am kind of thinking to cut down on the extravagences(spelling's right, eh?).

I am now beginning to like this loneliness, this silence, I sometimes chat with myself, hehe. Now when someone comes to my door, instead of feeling happy that I have some company, I feel angered and disturbed. Most of the time, the person who comes to my room is in an joyful mood, and I feel as if he/she is laughing on my condition. My condition? Whats wrong with me? I am fine, eating, sleeping, enjoying, not-working.

Someone asked me, are you excited to go home? What kind of question is that? Ofcourse I am supposed to be excited about going home. Its been 5 months since I saw home. But, when I ask myself, am I excited? Am I happy?, the answer that comes from within is not positive. I don't know why.

So, finally, if I ask myself, why are you here? alone, locked up in a hot room, doing nothing. Are you hiding from someone? Avoiding something? What are you avoiding? Going home? You don't want to go home? Are you interested to work? I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to work. I don't want holidays. I am not happy here. I think I will not be happy at home. I am just confused.

Maybe its the heat thats driving me crazy. Maybe when I go home, everything will be fine. Maybe...
 
posted by Anurag Singh Rana
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