Tuesday, June 21, 2005,11:31 PM
Whats going on?
I am here now, in college. I decided to come here on 16th night, and arrived on 19th morning. What made me come here? Everyone here is asking, why did I come? And so I am asking myself, why did I come? The most common answer I give them is that I was getting bored there. Whats here that won't get me bored too?

24 rooms in this corridor, 5 people left, of which none are the ones I talk to frequently. In all, not more than 6 friends in the whole college at the moment, and most of them are busy in their work. Then why did I come? Its as lonely as ever here. Seems like I have started liking this loneliness.

Someone might say, internet, you came here for internet. Its not true actually. Though I am using the internet here for 24 hours, but certainly that didn't appeal to me to leave home and travel in a bus to 1300 kilometres far college, suddenly, within 3 days, and that too in the middle of holidays.

I tell them, I want to do project work. Yes, I want to do project work, but its not that I am so devoted that I'd come here for that either. No, its not definitely to meet some person or girl. There is no girl here that I like, nor any friend whom I'll miss so much that I'll come so far to see him/her.

I came here for a change? What change? At home I was just getting up, eating, bathing, roaming, sleeping. Here I am getting up, bathing, roaming, chatting, doing work sometimes, sleeping. Though the work done is giving me satisfaction, but does this mean that I should like all this more than the company of my old pals? They are all there, waiting, complaining.

I am going home on 1st July, though my ticket is still not confirmed, the train is full and I am in the waiting list. Do I really want to go? YES! I want to go, I want to get out of this loneliness. Maybe this is what I came here to experience, the loneliness, sadness, once more, so that I happily return home and feel happy about being there.

Another crap reason I say is that my friends are getting free in July. Though its quite true but Tapan and Anni, two, not one but two of my best friends are free and waiting. Why did I come here and leave them? I am so so irresponsible towards friendships, I don't really deserve them.

And my mom, she always keep complaining that I am just into my friends when I come, and don't talk with family members. I have still not been able to strike a balance.

I am okay here, didn't sleep all night, no breakfast, noone to talk with online/offline, and waiting to have lunch. I will work on the project with Srikanth after lunch, hopefully.

Yesterday, I went to see Parineeta. Its a nice movie. I expected a sad ending, and my heart almost gave up hope that the movie will have a happy end. When at the end, things suddenly started going right, I was so so happy. I came out smiling of the theatre. Then we went to Pizza Hut for dinner.

Its difficult to concentrate on the monitor now, but I need to get ready and do project work. I am so so sleepy, but its all my fault. Anyways, I'll hope that my projects reach somewhere while I am here and I have a nice time with all back home when I return.

Please pray for me.
posted by Anurag Singh Rana
Permalink ¤ 0 comments
Sunday, June 19, 2005,8:31 AM
Its been difficult to write ** 16.06.2005
Its been very difficult to find a suitable time to write my diary entry. I don't generally prefer anyone reading or seeing it when I write it, or even after I have written it. Its just for me. I have been quite okay all these days. Most of the days I have not been doing anything fruitful. Just wasting time, roaming, talking, sleeping, eating. The mobile phone is quite a companion in passing time for me. With the cheap sms rates, I have been able to contact almost all of my friends who are not close by.

I'm almost happy these days. What does that mean? I am completely physically fit. There is no problem with anything else either. Everyone is fine at home, all my friends are well too. At home, the environment is a little more strict than at college. Unlike there, I cannot just do anything anytime. I have to follow a schedule, there is a time to wake up, time to sleep, time to eat, time to go out, etc. Most of the time I fail to do so, which causes tension, anger, etc. to my mom, to me, and others.

I met some of my friends a few days back, it was Taranum's place. She had invited us for lunch, Tapan and me. Tapan is not very very familiar with her, but still, out of courtesy, or maybe he is a batchmate, or as a new friend, she invited him too. It was nice there. We talked on various things. Her sister is a reporter in INDIA TV, well, I didn't even hear this name until she told me. She has made a lot of breaking news reports, and she was showing us some of them, especially the Mobile Cloning thing.

Day before, Tapan came over to Dewas from Indore, and I asked Piyush and Vikas to join. I had to pick up Vikas from his place, and the road was too bad. The car's bottom hit a rock, and was making unusual sounds. We went to the Tekri, a holy temple on the hill. Then, I dropped Piyush and Vikas on the return. Tapan and I had dinner at my place and then he left. It was nice spending time with friends.

Anirudha arrived to Indore yesterday. He gave me a call in the night. He said that we'd give Tapan a surprise and go directly to his place. He asked me to come to Indore today. But he didn't call, lazy boy. Tapan called up to tell me that he was going to Kota for a few days. So I told him about Anni, and asked him to call him and talk. He'll be back by 20th.

I'm learning to ride a bike properly. Though I know most of it, I am a little bad at the gear change and brakes, so I am practicing it. Jayant bhaiya is helping me do it. I have to give a driving test on 4th July to get my driving license. I am quite confident, as I know how to drive a car, and I think if I give a car driving test, they'd assume that I can ride a bike as well.

What else? There is nothing coming to my mind right now. Though I wanted to write so so much. Another thing to mention is my typing speed. Its been growing so so fast, I am so happy about it. Though whenever someone is looking at me intently or I try to think about it, I start making mistakes, but rest of the time, I'm good.

That day, I was sitting in the dark, with headphones on my ears, and playing FM Radio. I tuned to some unknown band. There was no electricity at home and the inverter was also on low battery. It was such a nice feeling, sitting in the dark and looking at my own shadow cast by the lights of the vehicles which were passing by. There is no such incident associated with me in the past, but the songs which were playing and the whole scene made me remember my past. The school days, the excitement, my two wheeler, my friends, the roaming around, the falling, the playing, the classes, teachers, my school, the assembly, and what not. After a while it said "Vividh Bharti mein aapka swagat hai", and I realized it was 101.60 FM. Then I tuned to Radio Mirchi, 98.40 FM. It was quite boring at that time, which was not expected.

In the old days, when I used to live in Indore, Radio Mirchi was started. This was a all new FM Radio Channel, which was private, and so a little more exciting, less formal, etc. Those days we used to hear it a lot, Anni and me, in his car, or maybe just me on my small Radio Machine, even while I was riding a bike.

Yesterday night I went to Piyush's place, he has an exam on 18th, Civil. I went there because there was a powercut and he couldn't study. We talked about some useless topics. Vikas was also there. We had dinner at his place, and then when power returned, I let them study and came back home.

I have been mentioning these small visits to friends because all these days I have been longing for these. My friends are either in Indore, where I can't go everyday, or have exams and so I can't disturb them. Today is 16 June. And my holidays are getting over very fast. I have nothing to do. Just now something has struck me. Why not go back to college for a few days, work on the projects and then come back again in July, when everyone will be free. This seems a nice idea. Even Rahul is coming back on 28th. So why not return on 1st July.

I'll think about it.
posted by Anurag Singh Rana
Permalink ¤ 0 comments
Friday, June 10, 2005,1:31 AM
All these days
I have been home since about 15 days now. Its been quite nice to be here, all the tensionfree, scheduleless life. Yeah, really, there is no schedule for me here. I can sleep when I want, wake up when I want, etc. etc. Its not like its the best thing to do in the summer, because these days I have hardly done anything. Free time all the time, this is how life is.

Okay, lets write it from the beginning. On 23rd of May 2005, at 4 AM, I was packing for the journey. At the same time, the skies were flooded with lightning and thunderstorms. I was supposed to catch a bus to reach the station. But, it started raining so heavily, I called up an autorickshaw driver to come and pick me up. Ashish helped me pack the remaining stuff, and we left for the main gate. Even Meghna came along. Soon, the auto arrived, and I was off for the journey. I reached the station well before time, and was getting bored.

The journey was fine, too hot though. Most of the time I was sleeping. I reached Bhopal at 10:30 PM. 16 hours of journey is really something. There my brother Chhotu had come to receive me. We went home, and I don't remember the rest. I slept late that night, and woke up at around 1:30 PM next day. I left for Dewas at around 8:00 PM. Dad was worried and called up on my cell. I didn't want to pick it up, but couldn't help. I reached home by 12 AM or something.

I was not so excited to be at home initially, but then slowly, things got better. I couldn't meet many friends except Piyush aka Ullu. He has exams till 28 June, so can't disturb him much.

Ohh god, the powercuts, they are terrible. In my college, there are no powercuts, there is a huge backup system in case there are any. Thats in Andhra Pradesh. My home is in Madhya Pradesh, which is a state suffering from power shortage problems. Powercuts here are frequent and unannounced. I was supposed to work on my project while I was at home. But initially, there were so so many powercuts that it was impossible to work, besides, here, the computer is not all that powerful. Slower internet bandwidth make it worse.

The more horrifying thing is the heat. I thought at least home would be cooler than college. But even here the temperatures were touching 45. And powercuts, oh god. The inverter system installed at home was enough to power a few fans for a few hours. It rained twice in these 15 days, making about 4-5 cooler than the rest.

I have been trying to get a fourwheeler vehicle driving license. Its not tough though. The procedure is a bit complicated. I still haven't practiced riding a bike, so that might give a little problem in the driving test. But, I have a month to practice.

What do I do all day? I have no work. I just go to my cousin Jayant aka Raju dada. He is doing a job at a finance company. Most of the day, he has not so much work, so I sit at his office and talk. In the evenings, we take a two wheeler and move about in the city, in the gardens, etc.

I don't have a girlfriend these days, and so people think I am looking for one. Yes, I am looking for one. But, its not like I am looking for anyone who is available. I want someone compatible with me, my behavior, my feelings, my qualities. Someone who can make me a better person, and maybe I can improve her too. Oh yes, she should be good looking, hehe. My bro keeps on telling me to go and propose my female friends. I refuse to. Why can't a boy and a girl just remain friends? I think they can very well remain friends.

Do I love someone? No. I don't love any girl yet. Its like I have a full picture of hers in my mind and I know that she will come. Seems like some wild dream, but I believe in it.

I have been waiting to talk to friends here. Many of them have exams and all. That day, Ashwin Palshikar called up. He is one nice guy, and well, has really good communication skills. We went for a movie, Nazar, a romantic thriller. And then, suddenly it struck me to meet Mrs. Khar, our chemistry teacher at school. She is one great teacher, so great, so caring, so devoted. We talked to her on various issues, including school, college, results, smoking, etc. Ashwin told her that in our school's 2003 batch, i.e. my batch, almost all of us have started smoking drinking except Ashwin, Tapan, myself and a countable few.

We left her house in the evening. We went to Ashwin's place. He had done the interiors of his dad's office, really nice. Then, we left at around 9:30 PM, after my mom kept on telling me to return. We reached Tapan's place, where I thought I was too sick to continue a journey back to Dewas. So, I informed mom that I'll be staying there in the night. The next morning I left for home.

Rahul is arriving from Russia on 28th June and Anirudh aka Anni on 17th. Till then I am not working on projects, not doing anything, just wasting time. I am thinking to join some summer class to learn something useful in this one month. I think most probably it will be a computer course, but I haven't decided anything yet.

And, I got a new sim card here, because its too costly to receive calls on my Hutch number. Rest is all fine. I'll end this writeup here. Preparing to take a shower at 1:30 PM... lol.
posted by Anurag Singh Rana
Permalink ¤ 0 comments