Tuesday, June 21, 2005,11:31 PM
Whats going on?
I am here now, in college. I decided to come here on 16th night, and arrived on 19th morning. What made me come here? Everyone here is asking, why did I come? And so I am asking myself, why did I come? The most common answer I give them is that I was getting bored there. Whats here that won't get me bored too?

24 rooms in this corridor, 5 people left, of which none are the ones I talk to frequently. In all, not more than 6 friends in the whole college at the moment, and most of them are busy in their work. Then why did I come? Its as lonely as ever here. Seems like I have started liking this loneliness.

Someone might say, internet, you came here for internet. Its not true actually. Though I am using the internet here for 24 hours, but certainly that didn't appeal to me to leave home and travel in a bus to 1300 kilometres far college, suddenly, within 3 days, and that too in the middle of holidays.

I tell them, I want to do project work. Yes, I want to do project work, but its not that I am so devoted that I'd come here for that either. No, its not definitely to meet some person or girl. There is no girl here that I like, nor any friend whom I'll miss so much that I'll come so far to see him/her.

I came here for a change? What change? At home I was just getting up, eating, bathing, roaming, sleeping. Here I am getting up, bathing, roaming, chatting, doing work sometimes, sleeping. Though the work done is giving me satisfaction, but does this mean that I should like all this more than the company of my old pals? They are all there, waiting, complaining.

I am going home on 1st July, though my ticket is still not confirmed, the train is full and I am in the waiting list. Do I really want to go? YES! I want to go, I want to get out of this loneliness. Maybe this is what I came here to experience, the loneliness, sadness, once more, so that I happily return home and feel happy about being there.

Another crap reason I say is that my friends are getting free in July. Though its quite true but Tapan and Anni, two, not one but two of my best friends are free and waiting. Why did I come here and leave them? I am so so irresponsible towards friendships, I don't really deserve them.

And my mom, she always keep complaining that I am just into my friends when I come, and don't talk with family members. I have still not been able to strike a balance.

I am okay here, didn't sleep all night, no breakfast, noone to talk with online/offline, and waiting to have lunch. I will work on the project with Srikanth after lunch, hopefully.

Yesterday, I went to see Parineeta. Its a nice movie. I expected a sad ending, and my heart almost gave up hope that the movie will have a happy end. When at the end, things suddenly started going right, I was so so happy. I came out smiling of the theatre. Then we went to Pizza Hut for dinner.

Its difficult to concentrate on the monitor now, but I need to get ready and do project work. I am so so sleepy, but its all my fault. Anyways, I'll hope that my projects reach somewhere while I am here and I have a nice time with all back home when I return.

Please pray for me.
posted by Anurag Singh Rana
Permalink ยค