_UnPrEdictAbLe_

Shifted to WordPress...

2006-03-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

Owing to really cool features provided by WordPress (www.wordpress.com), I have shifted to it.

http://unpredictablerulz.wordpress.com

PS: All posts of this blog (except this one) have been ported there, so there is no need to keep checking this one.

2006-03-03T05:26:00.000-08:00

Its been so hot these days, I mean the 'temperature has been high'. And as per Murphy's law, my fan has stopped working since two-three days. Its kind of difficult to keep alive, many people who visit my room are amazed at my tolerance capacity, hehe.

Anyways, these days, as you all know, the R&D showcase thing is going on. Not that I'm very much involved in it. I wasn't even told by anyone that I'd put up some project there. Actually, Tarun sir has his 'Information retrieval from Video' project, and my project is one of the extensions of it, the BTP I mean. So, I had to complete the pending work to make it functioning and ready for display. I'm not much happy about the project though, I mean the state in which it is right now. Big challenges are in the way right now, and hopefully next year, in R&D, people will be impressed. They wont react the way they do this time, the 'blah, thats so simple and useless' kind of look.

I HAD to put up the robotics project too, as it carried MARKS for putting up a project in R&D. But we weren't ready. So, we decided to 'lose marks' instead of getting humiliated. Lets hope I don't lose much from the perspective of grades.

Bush visiting ISB, this thing has been made so loudly audible. I mean, ISB isn't even visible from here, its so far (I know its far, I run upto ISB often). And still, they've to increase security in IIIT, ask us to keep windows closed and all. I seriously wished someone should kill Bush when he is in ISB. And thank god our government didn't make the 'fast breeders' also under the agreement between India and US. I read that we've developed expertise in processing fuel for fast breeders, which are some advanced kind of nuclear reactors, while US puts us in the 'developing and unsafe' category. If we had signed the agreement, it would have meant curbing all the research that went into that fast breeders and other processing stuff. Hail Manmohan!

Rest of the life is kind of fine. I'm still alive, in senses, very much stable (unlike what my friends think or believe).

Another thing we were talking about is, if you love someone, what does it mean by getting involved? Is there a way to stop somewhere in middle? I mean, when you love, its like it just goes on, keeps growing. Can you decide, okay fine, itna pyaar ho gaya, ab stop! Just because there is a risk, should people stop loving? And what does it mean by 'loving in safe limits'? As in, a state from where you can recover if something crashes! What I think is, this kind of risk is everywhere. I mean, when a person invests somewhere, or a company makes a new software, or even when we decide to opt for a course through ISAS, there is always a risk that things go wrong and we reach a very unfavorable state. Knowing all this, when investors don't stop, the companies don't stop, nor do students, why will a person who loves someone stop? And what can he stop, thinking about the other person, meeting him/her or even having a relationship? Conclusion: Risk is everywhere. Just do what your heart says and be optimistic. :)

Translating 'Rang De Basanti' song in English.

2006-02-25T01:20:00.000-08:00

Someone anonymous requested that I translate the song, Rang de basanti. I am not too good at Hindi or Punjabi, but still I want to give it a try. Please don't laugh if I go wrong. And if you can correct me, please do.

thodisi dhuul meri dharti ki mere watan ki
A little bit of soil of earth of my country,
thodisi Khushbuu baurai se mast pavan ki
A little bit of scent of the mad winds,
thodisi dhondhane waali dhak-dhak dhak-dhak dhak-dhak saansein
{dunno the meaning of dhondhane wali, maybe it means fast}
A little bit of lively and fast breaths,
jin mein ho junoon junoon voh boonde laal lahuu ki
Those red drops of blood, which have passion in them,
yeh sab tuu mila mila le phir rang tuu khila khila le - 2
You mix all of them, and create a new color,
aur mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
And friend, you color me saffron,
mohe tuu rang de basanti
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti - 9
oh mohe rang de basanti basanti rang de basanti - 2
Color me saffron .. {repeated many times}

sapnen rang de, apne rang de
Color my dreams, color my beloved,
khushiyaan rang de, gam bhi rang de
Color the happiness, and the sadness too,
naslen rang de, faslein rang de
Color all species, color all crops,
rang de dhadkan, rang de sargam
Color the heart beats, color the notes,
aur mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
And friend, you color me saffron,
{after this, repeated from the first stanza}

dheemi aanch pe tuu zara ishq chadha
On a mild flame, put some love (to cook)
thode jharne laa, thodi nadi mila
Bring some waterfalls, mix some rivers,
thode saagar aa, thodi gaagar laa
Come here some oceans, bring some (water) pots,
thoda chhidak chhidak, thoda hila hila
Sprinkle a little, and then shake it,
phir ek rang tu khila khila
And then create ONE color,
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
And friend, you color me saffron,
mohe tuu rang de basanti
Color me in saffron (color).

basti rang de, hasti rang de
Color the inhabitation, color the existance,
hans hans rang de, nas nas rang de
Color in jubiliation, color each vein (or artery, ;))
bachpan rang de, joban rang de
Color the childhood, color the joban {don't know what joban means}
ab der na kar sachmuch rang de
Don't delay it anymore, color me in reality,
rang rez mere sab kuchh rang de
O painter, color everything,
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
And friend, you color me saffron,
{continued from the first stanza again}

I hope I was able to do justice with the translation, but this is only a word by word literal translation, don't know the 'deeper' meaning. Try to figure it out. Cheers!

Good morning

2006-02-23T16:47:00.000-08:00

Good Morning, welcome 24 February 2006. Whats the occasion? Nothing, just another day. But from today, I've decided to welcome each day, and utilize it, live it to the fullest (possible). Yeah, I can't just go mindless and do whatever, so thats why 'fullest possible'.

Yesterday night, I leaned on to the bed for taking a small nap, and fell asleep. So that meant no dinner for me, hehe. Then I was like, kya yaar, if it was home, people would have given me food when I got up, hehe. Its okay, I wont die without one dinner. Missed eating the tablets too, god, eradicate that chest pain thing, its getting too dramatic now. And actually people have come to me and asked, howz your chest pain? I was like, woah, you people read my blog or what?

I had a general review meeting for the BTP yesterday. I didn't know what to do, as it was first of its kind. I just tried to complete the code, and made a 8 page ppt. The professor wasn't angry yesterday, he never is. Most people misunderstand him. I think Jawahar sir is the coolest professor in the college. Anyways, a lot of people were even confused about what they had to do. The professor wanted 'clear goals' and not 'progress made'. He later explained that we should be able to make even the most dumb person understand what we are talking about, and basically begin from the beginning, saying all the Raam kahani of the project, motivation, problems, goals, efforts, etc. It was quite inspiring. Almost every student there was like, woah, he has changed, he is so nice, and so inspiring. But I said, he always is, its just that in your fear, you don't understand him.

Anyways, so today I don't have any deadline and all, but will work on the BTP. My code is producing the FACE VIDEOS, but has some problems (none seen as yet, but my psychology says there is a problem). I'll correct it and embed it in the 24x7 system. Now the thing is, I WANT to make it work, I WANT that Jawahar sir sees my effort and becomes happy, not for the grades, but for the Excitement of Research. Oh, no, not for ExOR, but for the 'actual' Excitement of Research, hehe.

I came across another great blogger, Devil's own. Great at english, and I came to know that her IQ is 170! I didn't know what an IQ test is, but still tried out. Got a score of 137. Lets see if I can improve.

Couldn't talk to Tanu yesterday night, poor girl, kept on buzzing online, calling on phone, and smsing, but kumbhkaran was deep in sleep. Hope this day is like what I want it to be. Good morning!

Life goes on...

2006-02-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

Finally, Mid Sem 2 has come to an end. Everyone's first reaction is "wow, its over, what a relief!". But then after a while, when we come to senses, we realize that its just one of the struggles that has ended. There are many that lie ahead, just at the doorstep.

For most of the UG2K3, its time for project report submission of their BTP, including mine. People have been long asleep on this regard. Those who began afresh in January have nothing very concrete to show, and most of them are expected to showcase their projects in R&D showcase, which is about a week or 10 days later (3 March).

I am also worried about my BTP. Well, its not that I have nothing to show, or I don't have a plan to go forward, but still the major 'research' oriented part is still pending, and I keep avoiding to think about it. I was looking at the sphagetti code one fine morning. So, out of the blue, I decided to rewrite the whole project in a clean, modular, well-designed and well-distributed fashion. I've been quite successful too, and basically I have to do module testing and integration testing after the last module is done. And then, I've to deploy it and make it work real time with real news videos round the clock, hopefully before tomorrow afternoon. Thats something like a total of 10-15 hours of work. How am going to extract 15 hours from 15?

The other projects like Robotics project, J2ME project, etc. also need to be done before 5 March, and I am worried about them too. I'm like, I can't even have a prioritized time division, because there is no time left. Hopefully everything will be fine.

Since about 10-15 days, I've been having some kind of chest pain, pain in ribs, pain in the throat and problems in breathing. It could have been due to cough and cold maybe, or maybe its a little serious. I talked to mom about this though, and she suggested taking some antibiotics and antiallergic tablets. Lets see if things get better.

Before this, I just finished up with my Mid Sem 2. Though I anticipated that it will be as bad as was Mid Sem 1, this one was comparatively better. Even the vision paper was quite understandable, and Linear programming was superb. Software Engineering was a little bad as usual. I mean, why on earth do they have that subject? And why is it being taught so badly? I mean, why an exam for learning a method to develop software? Why not something practical? Is it like they have to have an exam on anything and everything? Can't they learn from Robotics?

Anyways, now I am a little tired and basically bored because I have no one to talk to. I mean, yeah there is Tanu, but I don't know why I don't feel like talking to her right now. By the way, this blog is a good listener, hehe. Ciao.

Yahoo! Answers and Carpel Tunnel

2006-02-19T22:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I came across a new thing, Yahoo! Answers Beta. Its a new concept by Yahoo! in which people post a question and specify the category and subcategory of the topic. There is a place to answer the questions. You get a list of posed questions, just click anyone you want to answer, and post a reply. There is a limit of the number of questions one can ask in a day, but replying is limitless. You get a +2 for replying and -2 for asking, with a opening balance of 100. Its really fun, and you get a reply to your question generally within 5 mins. Try it out!

I came to know what is a Carpel Tunnel through Yahoo! Answers. Its some disease caused due to stress on nerve fibres. Something like when you work on the computer or some other place for long hours, your nerve gets pressed and due to this, your hands will go numb or feel tickling or become weaker. This has cure from using pads to going for a surgery. After knowing all this, I have begun having symptoms of Carpel Tunnel. Hope its just psychology.

Computer Vision paper was fine. It was in English rather than Greek for a change. I did some usual blunders, but hopefully I'll get something acceptable. Lets prepare for LP.

Rang De Basanti

2006-02-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to say.. rest is said by this song..

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding ding
thodisi dhuul meri dharti ki mere watan ki - 2
thodisi Khushbuu baurai se mast pavan ki
thodisi dhondhane waali dhak-dhak dhak-dhak dhak-dhak saansein
jin mein ho junoon junoon voh boonde laal lahuu ki
yeh sab tuu mila mila le phir rang tuu khila khila le - 2
aur mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe tuu rang de basanti
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti - 9
oh mohe rang de basanti basanti rang de basanti - 2
(ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding ding) - 2

sapnen rang de, apne rang de
khushiyaan rang de, gam bhi rang de
naslen rang de, faslein rang de
rang de dhadkan, rang de sargam
aur mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe tuu rang de basanti
thodisi dhuul meri dharti ki mere watan ki - 2
thodisi Khushbuu baurai se mast pavan ki
thodisi dhondhane waali dhak-dhak dhak-dhak dhak-dhak saansein
jin mein ho junoon junoon voh boonde laal lahuu ki
yeh sab tuu mila mila le phir rang tuu khila khila le - 2
aur mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe tuu rang de basanti

dheemi aanch pe tuu zara ishq chadha
thode jharne laa, thodi nadi mila
thode saagar aa, thodi gaagar laa
thoda chhidak chhidak, thoda hila hila
phir ek rang tu khila khila
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe tuu rang de basanti

basti rang de, hasti rang de
hans hans rang de, nas nas rang de
bachpan rang de, joban rang de
ab der na kar sachmuch rang de
rang rez mere sab kuchh rang de
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe tuu rang de basanti
thodisi dhuul meri dharti ki mere vatan ki - 2
thodisi KHushbuu baurai se mast pavan ki
thodisi dhondne waali dhak-dhak dhak-dhak dhak-dhak saansein
jin mein ho junoon junoon voh boonde laal lahuu ki
yeh sab tuu mila mila le phir rang tuu khila khila le - 2
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti yaara
mohe mohe tuu rang de basanti - 9
mohe rang de basanti basanti rang de basanti - 4
rang de rang de rang de basanti
(ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding ding) - 3
mohe rang de basanti basanti rang de basanti basanti
mohe rang de basanti rang de basanti rang de basanti yaara

Complete Pandemonium

2006-01-20T18:51:00.000-08:00

Its been really hectic and boring all these days. I was so helpless, it was as if I didn't want to go through Mid Sem 1, but did I have a choice? Anyways, its over now, hurray! Yeah, it was not all that good, but thats okay, we'll see in the next exam.

Even today I am surrounded by a lot of work and deadlines, meeting with Jawahar sir at 9, DIP project report, SE reflections report, SE UML assignment, BTP work (both BTPs .. for details contact Ashish ;)), Felicity Techfest work, Felicity website work, Riya's project, Robotics project, MB project, and the list goes on. Though there are not many classes today, but still the day looks jam packed! I mean, what the hell, this is the day when my exams have just ended, I am supposed to be free damn it.

Yesterday, Dean invited us for dinner for getting good grades in the 3rd and 4th sem. We also got some book and all, but most of us had a 'blah what is this?' kind of expression after seeing the book. The food was also useless, except for the biryani.

I hope that things start working, and I come out of this pandemonium soon.

ACCV'06 from my point of view.

2006-01-16T09:04:00.000-08:00

Woah! ACCV 2006, it was a roller coaster ride. It was as if we were in the dreamland. Though I didn't know much about research in Vision, or the researchers, or even the books, but still it was fascinating. It was really enjoyable to volunteer for the event. The biggest advantage was to be able to listen to many great people, and their great theories and ideas. Though I don't have an in depth knowledge of Vision, but still most of the 'good' talks had the inherent beauty of being exceptionally simple and understandable.

Another good thing that I benifitted from is the varied range of people which came into contact. Though I didn't talk to many explicitly, but then it was nice to listen to different accents of english, their way of presenting, and even their way of approaching the problem at hand. Some of the Chinese people didn't have great English, and it was a little difficult trying to communicate with them.

Most of the program went on smoothly, though I think that the program could have been improved. Most of the program was filled with Oral sessions. Though they contribute the maximum in distribution of knowledge, they tend to be boring and sleepy too. I think creating a more interactive environment, rather than a simple PowerPoint presentation system would have been good, though even I don't have much clear thoughts about a more interactive and interesting alternate solution.

The Taj Krishna Hotel is nice, great architecture, nice potraits and paintings on the walls, marble floor and lots of mirrors and jhoomars around. Its very beautifully lit, has some great sofas, really polite and efficient helpers. The conference halls were big, nicely lit, with good echo-proof audio system and a good enough stage. The food at Taj was lower than our expectations, though people suggested that it is to suit the international needs. The icecream with melting chocolate was the best thing in the world one could ever have. Amazingly all toilets were western and without water!

One of the girl had a presentation. I asked her whether she wanted to test her laptop on the projector. She couldn't understand it for a long time. All the time what she would do is, wear a cute confused smile on her face. I was noticing her all day, as coincidentally she kept sitting in the same room which I was managing. I thought she was really lonely, and didn't have anyone to talk to. I mean, if you had seen her, what she would do is, come to the empty conference hall and sit. Then she'd start reading the brochere for the zillionth time, close it, pack her bag, and go to the internet access room. Again pick herself up, and sit in the hall and read the brochere, or roam around wearing a really pathetic smile, not talking to anyone, just grinning. I couldn't gather the courage to go and talk to her for long, so I asked Nirnimesh sir to help. We went to her, chatted for a little while and clicked a few photographs. She told me that she has three friends here. Her name is Yuru Pei. She is a Phd student in China. I got her air tickets confirmed from Singapore Airlines. Scheduled departure 16.01.2006 9:20 PM.

We clicked many many photographs during the session. A lot of those which I clicked with my cellphone got blurred. I am still waiting for Varhman sir to release his cameras matter. I have some really good and really precious pictures in that camera.

One of the presenters did not come to the conference. He sent a ppt with embedded audio instead. Finally, I had to go and click the mouse to play it in front of the people. I made ONE mistake only, but it was fine I guess. Prof. PJN was saying that it was the only paper presented in ACCV from IIIT. I asked him about whether we will get any opportunity like this in the future. He suggested to write a paper, and present it in one of the conferences to get such an opportunity. This conference has really infused new spirit in me to do something. Lets hope I am successful.

Before this, we had the WCVGIP, which was another conference of similar type but a smaller scale adn magnitude. It was a nice one too.

To conclude, ACCV 2006 was a successful event, and a major event this year. Thanks to all the professors who gave us this opportunity and also thanks to all the great researchers who presented such great ideas. Finally, three cheers for the volunteers,
Hip hip ... Hurray!
Hip hip ... Hurray!
Hip hip ... Hurray!!!!

In the SE class: proposal and criticism of a new theory.

2006-01-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

Arun and I were sitting in the SE class, getting bored. I wrote a small paragraph, just for the sake of writing it, almost spontaneously. I don't know if it makes much sense, but here it is.

This world is a heart and we are the blood corpuscles flowing through it. It pumps us in different directions to fulfil varied tasks. Those of us which carry the positive attitude symbolizing Oxygen do good wherever we reach, while those with a cynical attitude impart pain and exhausion. The heart will pump us irrespective of our nature. It is we who decide whether to fuel it with our goodwill or spoil it, ruin it, destroy it.

After reading it, Arun and I had a conversation.

Arun: Every oxygen carrying RBC eventually carries carbon dioxide and vice versa. Does that mean there is inherent bad in people and in every cynic there is hope?

Me: A person who tries to extinguish fire gets his hands burnt, while even the person who bombed Hiroshima, felt for it.

Arun: What the hell are you saying?

Me: I guess I need a larger paragraph, you are dumb enough to not understand symbols.

Arun: Your analogies do not make sense. They're neither here nor there... just some random strings of words put together!

Me: I guess after I reply, you'd think those strings of words actually make sense.

Arun: Fat chance.

Me: Buzz Off!

I am lagging...

2006-01-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

Its been nice to remain in dreams till now. But now reality is striking back, making its presence felt. I felt that I was really stable, and could not go mad at any point of time. I thought it was wierd why people just lose sense of the present and start living in hallucinations. But this new year has brought in a new experience, absent mindedness. Even saying 'absent mindedness' would be toning it down. Something like forgetting the present, and going to deep sleep all the time would be a better explanation.

No, its not laziness that surrounds me. Its the sudden outburst of zillions of thoughts, emotions, calculations, fears, pains, joys, constraints, and what not. During this short period of NINE days in this new year, at many points of time my brain has undergone unbearable activity. So much that I can LITERALLY hear a big siren ringing loudly and I can't even shut my ears to reduce the pain.

I cannot blame a single cause for the whole environment that exists around. Its been a mixture of things, emotional, practical, physical, technical. With this overwhelming chronology of sudden events around me, I wish that time just stopped for a few days, at least a month. The speed at which things are progressing, I am not able to cope with them.

How important is visual information in relation to friendship?

2006-01-06T18:22:00.000-08:00

I really warn people that I can be rude anytime I want. And they have to be ready for it. Generally, I am calm and sweet to people. But at some rare occassions, I just over-do it. I am really really rude, I just don't care what the other person might feel. But most of the time I do such a thing, I have a really concrete reason to do so. Why am I writing all this? Just a piece of information about me, hehe.

The days are passing as if I am not aware of them. I mean, I hardly remember whats the date today, and my mind has forgotten a time-map which was there. There is really no goal, no hope, its a state of utter confusion. I am confused whether I want to do GRE or MS from IIIT or a job. I need to decide this in a few months now. Lets see what happens.

Tanu has the NID exam a few hours from now. Hope she clears it. When she was talking, she was like, what the hell, let me take a break from padhai.. talk something else na. By the way, I keep telling her that one exam, one institute is not the end of the world. There is a lot still left to do.

My BTP is going on fine. I mean, there is very little activity, but still there is a somewhat defined path. I am being a little lazy too though. This mid sem exam I have very few papers. I have a Vision paper, and I am not sure whether there is a SE paper or not. So this means I have at max two papers.

We sent a gift to Riya, Tanu and me that is. She called me up to thank for it. I am kind of allergic to taking gifts. I mean, when you get a gift, you have to protect it, and keep it safe, still in front of you and all. Yes, it does make you happy, but its so much responsibility too. Especially if I am talking about me, whos room is a world war in itself, hehe.

We saw Kingkong the other day. Its a nice movie. Really good and real looking animation, nice sound effects, nice story, and a good senti ending. I know a lot of people will get bored of the part before the interval, but then nothing is perfect. This time the movie idea was of Bhanu. Thanks for that.

-------

I was thinking about how important is visual information? In todays world, most of us "chat" with people over the internet. Till date, most of it has been through TEXT. Some of us then start exchanging phone numbers and pictures. You have to certainly agree that AUDIO is a step ahead than TEXT, because it is more expressive.

Pictures on the other hand (not live ones) just show the other person how does the person on the other end look. How important is that? People say that looks are temporary, why bother? But here, I am not talking about LOOKS. I am talking about appearance, whether or not the other person is photogenic is a different issue.

Generally, when we make friends in person, the first thing we do is SEE him. While the natural process of friendship begins with SEEING, friendships on the internet generally get this facility months or years after it. Yeah, meeting the other person is the best that could happen, but my point is, by seeing the pictures, the other person can still create an image in the mind. Its really difficult to keep on talking to a person whos appearance you can just imagine.

Yeah, there are issues like people can morph the images and spread over the internet and all. But then, we're talking about FRIENDS, and not about some random person. Sometimes its difficult to scan and send images, atleast loads of them. Is it a sin to demand a picture of your friend, while the people who sit with him can take 15 images per second with their eyes? What wrong have the friends sitting so far away done to receive such treatment?

2006-01-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

Meri bheegi bheegi see...
palko pe reh gaye...
jaise mere sapne bikharke...
jale man tera bhee kisi ke milan ko...
anamika too bhee tarse...

Nice song and such nice lyrics. For the time being, this one is my favorite.

Yesterday night was cold and dark. I didn't eat anything all day, so I had to go out. In the hurry, I forgot wearing a sweater, and went there in a half-sleeves shirt. When we returned, I was frozen. Ashish said, "Yeh to ekdam chilled ho gaya hai" and I said "To serve kar do na". Anyways, after all that I was talking to friends on yahoo. Jaan (err... I mean Himanshu) came to my room at 2:30 AM. We decided to get up in the morning to exercise, but he was almost negative. I couldn't get up before Tanu called up. I missed the class anyway.

Today I have to begin work on my project. Lets see what Tarun has to say. Have a nice day!

Welcome 2006.

2006-01-02T01:42:00.000-08:00

Its the new year now, 2006. First thing I'd want to do is to learn to write '2006' while writing dates. Its really hard to get used to the new 'year' in the dates, and I confess that I'm still stuck at '2003'.

First of January Two Thousand and Six was a nice morning, mildly cold. I was with my family at Bhopal, wishing people on the phone with loud music and warm wishes around. At 4 AM, I had to leave my home state and board the train to come back to college. It does look quite sad, but then, I'm used to it now.

Back in college, I've a really bad cold, a partially swollen eye and loads of work. Basically, I am in a mess, and so is my room! I'm thinking to switch off breathing for a few hours as its really painful to do so. I'm now used to getting up lazily (mind it, I said LAZILY, not LATE). Its really difficult to do things in a haste.

Before all this, I went home on 17 December 2005. I had barely even worn the clothing for the journey, and dumped all luggage in my bags when I had to leave. Actually, the PR project report and some final touch-ups were the problem. I was struggling to finish work till about 2 PM. I had a bus journey at 4:40 PM. I somehow reached the bus stand, and boarded the bus. The journey was nice, though a little too chilly.

Being at home was fun. This time I didn't meet too many friends, I didn't do any work. I saw about 3 movies in the theatre with friends and 1 with my family. It was a nice experience to meet friends and all. Tanu also turned up for the movie, along with Tapan. It was nice to have her company.

I didn't have much time to spend with my friends. I couldn't meet Prerna and Vijay bhaiya. Hope they forgive me. I wanted to return to college with the Volvo bus, so that I'd get one more day at home. Anyways, here I am, back in college, back to work.

Tanu has a competetive exam in January. Hope she clears it. Tapan too has GRE in February and he is working hard for it. Hope he does it too. I have GRE some time soon too, along with TOEFL (hope the spelling is right), and hope I at least study for it. Anyways, first thing I want to do is to get a passport!

I have to do the Face Detection thing before 10th, and I haven't begun. Hopefully I'll do it before the deadline. Actually, I want to do an internship in the summers, and not work on the BTP. For that, I have to finish all expected work before April comes. That is why I am so serious about it. There are other pressures like the Mobile Blog project, DS&A TAship, DIP cum Tracking project, GRE preparation, etc, etc, etc.

When I look at life, its busy, its painful, sometimes sad and lonely, sometimes happy and celebrating. I do get time to meditate, to spend time with friends and family. Its really not exactly the way I wanted it to go, but its still along the same direction. Welcome 2006.

Dominos sucks, its really bullshit.

2005-12-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Well, I know I am angered right now, but well, I have a good reason to be. It was 7:30 PM when I called up Dominos to place an order. At about 8:40 PM, when I called them again, they said "my identity is not verified, they'll call back shortly". At 9:30 PM, I asked Sumeet to call and ask. They said, my cell is not working! They took the order on his behalf, and we started eagerly waiting. At 11 PM did he arrive, and demanding a full payment! Dominos sucks, 30 minutes nahi to free is all bullshit. They've lost one customer for sure.

Right here, right now!

2005-12-13T20:40:00.000-08:00

Right here, right now.. hai khushi ka samaa...
Right here, right now.. hum hain is pal jahan...
Bhool jao .. muskurao...
Reh na jaye baat baaki...

Nice song! Nice lively thought.

Living in the present, how correct is it? Whining or boasting of the past, how wrong is it? India was a slave in the hands of the British. India was called Sone ki chidiya in the past. Two statements which explain exactly what I am talking about.

As we grow up, we gain some sense of being us, some conciousness. We understand the past, live in the present, and plan the future. I don't know when that sense came to me, maybe when I was 13 or a little older. Almost every human being, who is grown up enough has this kind of sense. But...

We come across so many people who are not actually in senses. One of the examples could be some bollywood star. Yes, a bollywood star. A bollywood star has almost completely forgotten that he is a human being. He is getting older day by day. He is on this planet to live. And that short stay is too short to waste it in being busy 24x7. He has stopped living like a human. He is just into making money and getting famous. Someone might say, an actor loves acting. He is actually doing what he wants to. There is where I want to say,
Ati ka bhala na bolna, ati ki bhali na choop,
Ati ka bhala na barasna, ati ki bhali na dhoop.
Which means, excess of anything is bad. Its not good to speak in excess, and nor is it good to keep shut. It is not good that it rains too much, nor is it good that there is too much sunlight.

Anyways, coming back to the point, most people have forgotten that they are human beings, their life is finite, and this life is the only chance they have. Most people just waste it in stupid things, or running after money and fame.

There are these others who are a class apart. They are not after anything, but they want to be cool. They want people to admire their coolness, their style. Most of them indulge in smoking, drinking, doping, etc. They flirt a lot, and generally don't behave in their own natural way. They talk to girls in an unusual way, always trying to get the girl's attention, and trying to 'use' her.

In my view, though I may be wrong, its not right to do it. First, be yourself. Accept the way you are. Once you accept yourself, people will accept you too. Behave in a consistant manner with everyone. Don't change behavior because you want some favor from someone. Okay fine, you'd say, what about talking to your friend and talking to the professor? I'd say, its really a good practice if you avoid filthy language even with friends.

Most people tend to get close to people and remove the respect part from the relation. For example, a lot of third year people now talk to the fourth years as too tera and all (actually English doesn't have those words). Yes, its good to get close, friendly. You both can become friends, do masti and whatever. But if someone is elder to you, whats wrong if you continue using aap? Getting friendly doesn't mean getting ruder, more impolite or respect less. These two concepts are generally mixed up.

Conclusion: Look at the past, live in the present and plan the future. Always remember who you are and try to remain that. Be polite to everyone, get close to people but don't drop the respect.

---

Anyways, I am fine today. Nice bright sunlight. Yesterday I was working on the PR project. Thank god, its been postponed to 16th. Hopefully I will do it by then. I took a DS&A tutorial class today, in the morning. The response was less, but I still managed to teach them some basics. I actually wanted to teach the other group too, as they are having problems in C++. Anyways, today most of the time I have to work on my PR project, and also talk to Jawahar sir regarding our BTP.

Good day!

Success and capability: the missing link.

2005-12-13T01:15:00.000-08:00

I never thought about it ever. I thought what I could achieve only depended on my capability. I have somehow found out that its not completely true. Though a major portion of it depends upon it, but some of it depends on some other factors. Yes, luck too matters, but what if I am the most unlucky person on earth. Can I survive just by making use of my ability? Is there anything else I can change?

The answer is YES! Yes, I can change something else too. I can change my perception. The way I look at things. I think that I did my best to tackle a problem because that is the best solution from MY PERSPECTIVE. What if I change the way I look at things? And as I have never tried to see things from some other angle, I cannot say that I am doing things the best way from other perspectives too.

Moral of the story: Try to look at problems from all possible perspectives. You might find a smart solution from some other angle.

Breaking news!!

2005-12-11T18:20:00.000-08:00

Its been all night, I've been awake and working on my project. All night I have been reading papers, trying to write code, change this somewhere, change that somewhere. Finally, I have some outputs. Though they are not too superb to boast about, but still quite respectable.
Three cheers for me...
Hip hip hurray!
Hip hip hurray!
Hip hip hurray!

Sid's party.

2005-12-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

It was party time tonight. Sid bhaiya got placed in some nice company, and called for a party. He's the first one in his batch to get placed. Congrats to him!

Anyways, we went to Central in the evening. First, we all were randomly roaming in the whole mall, looking at things we could possibly buy, or just casually following some hot girls, hehe.

After a while, we went into some restaurant called 'Bombay Blues'. Nice restaurant, nice atmosphere, nice co-eaters, hehe. We all ordered Sizzlers. I had no idea of what does it mean, or look like. It was simply superb. Almost all flavors of vegetarian as well as non-vegetarian sizzlers were great. Some people did have alcohol too. Well, I am writing as if "drinking" is really bad or something, hehe. Anyways, we had a really fun time there.

On the return, we kept on singing in unision, though none of us were in tune, but it was all great, the atmosphere, the vibe. Finally, three cheers for Sid bhaiya,
Hip hip hurray!
Hip hip hurray!
Hip hip hurray!

Prior to all this, the day started as usual. I woke up at 6 AM for my GRE class. I had been working on my project till about 4 AM, so I decided to skip the class, or otherwise I'll get exhausted due to overwork. Sugandh returned from the hospital in the afternoon. He is all fine, just some minor stitches on the chin. This all happened because our Shahrukh Sugu was a little too adventurous on the steep slope. He'll be fine.

Piece of advice: Ramji London wale is a nice movie. Not good, nor excellent, but quite okay for the "Indian public".

I finally joined as the DS TA, and got a schedule to teach. I heard that people are facing problem in getting along with DS. Lets hope I can be of some help to them. Okay fine, I have to go now. There is this CV class in the morning, and I don't want to miss it third time in a row. Good night!

2005-12-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

Suddenly everything has turned me inside out...
Suddenly Love is the thing, that I can't live without...

Nice song, soft, very-english, romantic, nice tune.

Anyways, here I am, 1:32 AM, sitting in my room, its cold, its lonely, and there is a hell lot of work! Fouzia is online though, she's just investigating my heart, trying to ask me "Do I love someone?". Well, I told her very precisely and clearly that I don't love anyone, and I want to concentrate on my studies. She's just trying to convince me, but am rigid, afterall, I know myself.

Anyways, finally, the CV test was held, even after repeatedly trying. Actually some of the MTech students had some PROBLEM. I don't know why people behave so plastic, can't they understand when someone says PLEASE. Some of the UG3 guys were not any less than those people. I got even more pissed when after the test, I didn't get to play CS, because the server was full. Though it might look kiddish, but I am really pissed with the guy who didn't restart the server for me, after something like 10 times of saying PLEASE.

Finally, I decided to do the normal thing, count till 10. I did it once, twice, thrice. It didn't work. Then I called up Riya, and I don't know when, it all slowly went away. She's so nice to talk to, hehe. Oh, my balance is also over now, shit.

I have this PR project to work on. Its nothing actually, just one combination that will start working, but god! Its not working. I have tried and re-tried, and re-re-tried. Lets see if I can change the code, and do something else. Today is 11th, and I have to submit it on 13th. God, help me.

I am feeling quite sleepy now, and its about 2 AM. I have to get up at 6 AM to go to GRE class, and I am not able to decide whether to sleep or stay awake. Lets see.

Piece of advice: Don't expect anything from anyone, they all turn you down.

Bad day.

2005-12-09T23:49:00.000-08:00

Man! I am caught up in such a bad situation. All my time management has completely failed. SE report, GRE test, CV test preparation, PR project work, PR report submission. Oh god, all at one time. There is no time for anything. I lost my notebook, DIP notes, PR notes, CV notes, SE notes, all in that. All my work of last sem, and whatever till today in this sem, gone! I have mailed all people, but no hope of getting anything back. God, help me.

I am still alive though, hehe. Apparently, I am not sad about the whole thing. Its okay, I mean bad things do happen. I think I will somehow manage. The only good thing that happened was that I talked to Riya today. She was so happy again, hehe. She had shown her birthday gift to her sister. Her sister also said that those were good, and it was nice that we sent those. Sometimes, I feel, Riya is such a nice girl. I mean, we started with just a "hi, asl please" a few years back. And now, its like she's an inseparable part of my life. I guess, when I meet her, that'd be the happiest moment of my life.

Ok, fine, cut the crap. I am going for lunch now. Will hopefully finish all tasks successfully. And hopefully someone will find my notebook and return it to me. Fingers crossed, hehe. Ciao.

2005-12-09T03:14:00.000-08:00

Bheega bheega sa yeh December hai,
Yeh December ka sard paani hai,
Tez dhadkan hai, Garm saansein hain,
Bheegi bheegi see ik kahani hai,
Bheega bheega sa yeh December hai...

Nice song, I've been listening to this one repeatedly. The tune, the voice, the lyrics, wow! My favorite song of the week!

Anyways, Sumeet said, what the hell? You writing your daily time-table in your blog? Why? I mean, blog is to write some "interesting" things. Well, yeah, the day to day life is kind of boring. There are a lot of reasons. First, I want to keep a record. Second, its really nice to write everything down, its easier to sum up the entire day's work/thoughts. Third, it makes my own ideas/thoughts/viewpoints/stands more firm and confident. When I write this blog, I analyze everything again. This way I know exactly what went wrong, was I wrong or the other person and what to do next! It might as well convey some message directly to some person. Last, but not the least, I am free!

Today, I didn't do much. I got up quite late. We kind of sorted out the SE offline questions. A lot of them were asked for the sake of asking, especially people like Sarath Chandra. Anyways, lets hope we finish answering soon.

I have to execute whatever I said about the PR project too. I missed the Vision tutorial too. God knows what am I going to do. I'll contact Nikhil and find out. Rest is I guess fine. Kubuntu 5.10 Breezy didn't work. Have to redownload the ISO.

Piece of advice: Kulbir Saini's Linux blog is worth reading.

Alvy came online today. Lami aka Baby aka Nopy has no cell these days. Busy in studies I guess. Let her study. Best of luck to her. :)

Chalo then, Ciao.

PR project... pain in the a**

2005-12-08T10:01:00.000-08:00

Nice day today. I got up at 9 AM. My first reaction was, what the hell, CV class again gone! Two classes in a row! Man, got to do something about it now. Anyways, Srikanth did give me a proxy. I hope that works. Then, at about 10:30 AM, I came to know that I have to leave for Visu at 12. I had to register my BTP too. Nikhil had a class at 11:30, and Srikanth was down with fever. I hurriedly got ready and rushed to Prof. Jawahar.

We registered for a BTP, as one team, a team of three. But, sir suggested to do it 2+1 or 1+1+1 instead of all three in one team. We waguely agreed. Lets see what happens. Sir also told me that I had been selected for the DS TAship, and I should report for work as soon as possible. Hurray! He asked me why did I miss two classes in a row. Oh my god! Does he know that I didn't come today? Does he know that I was absent today? Ofcourse he does! Did he mark me absent then? Anyways, lets hope that I get the attendance for today.

Oh, and by the way, I chose Prof. Jawahar finally, after one night of dilemma. I guess we'll do quite well under him. Lets hope for the best.

We went to Visu today. Lakshmi and Bhanu couldn't make it due to I don't know what! Anyways, we reached quite very much in time there. We finally enrolled for the classes. Thursdays and Sundays, a total of 8 hours a week and 4 hours of self study per day. It looks to be tough. I hope I can do it.

I called up Riya when I was in Visu. Her DIP paper was nice. Most of it was morphological things. And she was like, bye bye bye, keep down the phone monkey. And I was not doing it. We kept on quarreling on keeping down the phone. Finally, she gave up and kept it down, as in disconnected it, hehe. I win, I win, I win!

Okay fine, this PR project is really pissing me off. We tried to see if that blurred smooth image can give us some output. I thought, maybe the training is less. We tried increasing epochs. Its going around 7-8% error till about one lakh epochs. I tried 8 lakh epochs, and it overfitted to give 20% error. I guess I will first make it display what it means by 7% error. If it has any problems, we might change the hidden nodes. Hope things work.

--- continued after a break ---
At 12 AM, Neeraj called me up. It was a BC meeting as usual. Nice friendly talk, teasing and stuff. I have just returned. Its damn cold right now. I am almost frozen. I will now do the PR project work. Tanu has a paper tomorrow, rather today. Hope she does well.

When will I get a blurred image?

2005-12-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

Its been a nice day today. Actually a little free kind of. We've been trying to get our Image Compressor to work. We did find some flaws, but well, its far from functional. Nikhil told me that the decompressed image is more like a smooth shading, not just the completely black thing. I hope we'll see a really blurred but still recognisable image by tomorrow. Maybe I need to increase the epochs, or maybe the hidden nodes. I am really confused about the whole thing. I mean, yeah, its all given in various research papers. Yeah, they say its possible. But bloody hell, no one gives the exact detail. Its all left to the poor programmer, the developer, the researcher.

Anyways, except that really frustrating project work, rest of the day has been okay. I had a couple of classes, went out with friends in the evening, and was downloading Kubuntu 5.10 Breezy in the night. I am really looking forward to installing it, but still can't find many reasons to do so.

Riya has an exam today. Yeah, today. Its already 2:44 AM. IP aka DIP. Digital Image Processing. Its a nice subject, kind of fascinates me. Though when I did it, I didn't do much amazing stuff, but this stream has great amount of possibilities. Oh, that reminds me, I went shopping for books yesterday. Riya called up as usual. Actually the SE book was too costly, and wasn't that important either. So, I basically didn't buy it. Riya offered me to send that book by mail. I am afraid she might as well execute that. Anyways, she's been quite extravagant in spending money to call me. Actually its always nice to talk to her, but man!! It does cost a lot too. I keep telling her to reduce, she is mad! :P

Anyways, Tanu is kind of out of contact. I guess she's enjoying some party, hehe. She says she's grown fat and all, hehe. Anyways, let her enjoy. Its her life afterall.

At the moment, I am worried about my BTP (BTech Project .. previously known as FYP). Its really difficult to decide which professor to go with. While Prof. Jawahar is my favorite, the tasks that he gives are wague, and really hard to accomplish them. Prof. PJN is nice too, I guess a little cool about deadlines. But he's very very very particular about the results. What if we fail to get any results? What if we fail to work? Whom to choose? Today, we will decide it, and before 12 PM that is.

I guess that pretty much sums up my life at the moment. Nothing else is coming to my mind.

Piece of advice: Shaadi No. 1 is the world's crappiest movie. Chocolate is okay, actually pretty good.

Tomorrow, rather today is a test in Vision. Just about 6 hours left. I am beginning study shortly. Wish me luck!

Hurray, presentation over!

2005-12-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

Mission Accomplished! The Software Engineering Presentation finally got over. I guess this is the same reaction that each and every team will have after their presentation ends.

Anyways, it was quite good, and we didn't do any blunders during it went on. The preparation was a little less, so it didn't look very natural in the role play, etc. but our content and presentation was nice. Now, the major task is to answer audiance doubts, I don't how many slips did we receive, but it'd be big task to do it. The final report is due on 13th.

I've decided to do my BTP (aka FYP) with Freaky and Nikhil, under Prof. PJN. He is out of town now, so we haven't finalized the project topic yet. I am a little afraid due to a bigger team size of 3, rather than 2, and also due to past experiences with Prof. PJN and Prof. Jawahar. This time I really want a more specifically clear, research oriented project, with clear objectives rather than a wague idea. I guess SE is in my blood now, hehe.

I had a talk with Riya and Tanu on phone. Both of them are happy kind of. Both are such dumbos, they don't feel like studying when its exam time, hehe. Anyways, let them study. I am quite free now, so I'll go and enjoy or something.

We have to restart work on our PR project too, whos deadline is closing in. I guess there is a small bug in the code, which might not get figured out in less than 20 hours or so. Let hope things work out, and we have some results to show.

Today, I am going to Visu International, to take admission in GRE coaching in that institute. I will hopefully represent a dozen of my classmates too. I am still undecided whether to begin it now, or in January. Lakshmi almost convinced me that January is a much better time to begin, without interruptions. Sugandh almost convinced me that its too late to even waste a week. I am in dilemma, poor me.

The semester looks jam packed from where I see it, PR, GRE, BTP, Robotics, Vision, holidays, etc, etc. Lets hope that this semester goes much better than the previous one. Though the previous semester is my favorite of the total stay in IIIT, apart from Sem 1, it did have a lot of burden, high pressure of deadlines, bad time management, etc. Oh god, someone take me out of the SE dream.

Anyways, lets hope for the best.

New Lesson.

2005-12-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

After a long day of work, its 2 o clock that I am getting to sleep, just for about 3 hours. I went to the bathroom, and was washing my hands in the basin. I looked at my image in the mirror. I realized that it wasn't me. I could clearly see that what the mirror was showing was just the physical embodiment of a more complex concept called ME. It really didn't represent me, as I was from the within. I wondered that this same physical form was the one which people looked at to explain ME, understand ME, define ME. It is really wrong to do so. So, basically understood the lesson taught long back, "Don't go by how one looks, but by how his/her heart is.". No book taught me, no scholar, just a mirror, midnight and me!

Be blunt, it helps.

2005-12-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

Earlier, I thought, it was always good to speak softly to people, to be gentle. What my theory said was, don't modify the truth, present the truth as it is, but change the words in which you present the truth. This would mean, you'd try to convey the exact message contained, but even after that, you don't hurt or disturb the person.

The problem with the view was, initially, it was more about how to modify the truth in order to make it less hurting, but still not lose any information. Gradually, it turned into trying to be as gentle as possible, even if there is some loss in the actual information. And, after a few days, it became, doing anything for the sake of gentleness, even if the truth gets modified completely.

Though the initial thought that CONVEYING it softly (less bluntly) was really good, and quite practical, most of the time it converts into more of the false presentation than the preservation of truth. There is a simple solution to this. Follow the conventional approach.

Speak the truth as it is, whether it is harsh, blunt, hurting, frustrating or anything else. Speak it even if someone will die if he comes to know about it. Speak it even if it harms yourself. Though this might tend to SPEAKING EVERYTHING BLUNTLY, but its safer than the previous approach.

If we are gentle and nice, and make some promises, there is a risk of not living upto the expectation and hurting people, or getting hurt. If we're blunt and rude, people wont expect anything in the first place, is it not great? If out of the blue, you do something good to them, they'd be more than satisfied and pleased.

Points to remember today...
1. Truth is truth. Don't modify. Don't soften. Convey it as it is even if it hurts.
2. Don't expect anything from anyone.
3. Don't be nice to people, they will start having expectations.

Waiting for SE...

2005-12-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

Life has been pretty harsh and busy these days. The workload is really something, and actually its not the workload, its the uninformed arrival of jobs in quick succession. That is keeping me on toes almost all the time. People call me and ask for time, but a lot of times, I have been delaying to meet them, which might make them think that I am not interested to help them in the first place.

Day before, a guy from Bangalore called me up, Srinandan, a fashion designer. He had seen my site and was impressed with the SMS I received section. He asked me about what I did, where I lived, where my home is, etc. He told me that he was the collegue of some big fashion designer or something, the name of whom I didn't know/recognise. He told me that there was some Mysore something exhibition in Hyderabad, a few days back. He was the one who had designed the whatever in that. He gave me his number, and asked me to keep messaging. Feels nice that people do see my site, hehe.

I have been working on the SE project since day before. We've been working somewhat hard on it, and its pretty interesting too. In the process, I met Renuka, whos an MTech student at IIIT. She is pretty hardworking, as, only she had done some homework before we actually began working on the project. The team with Rohan is awesome, and we're all contributing and coming up with ideas, information, designs, points, etc, though Siddharth tends to sleep a little when Rohan and I are having a seemingly boring discussion. This is the first time that I have been working with this team, but the coordination and understanding is already quite high.

Riya has a paper today, oops, I again forgot the name of the exam. I called her up yesterday, and she was sounding happy. I mean she was sounding too too happy. She is one girl who is always happy. I mean, she has problems, she does tend to get frustrated and all. But, one of the major factors that she is able to cope with problems and is able to maintain a happy state all the time is because her friends are too good. I mean, its really difficult to have a friend circle as rich and as dependable, loving, caring, as well as not-boring, not formal, not-selfish. I do have some sort of similar friend circle, though its not as great. Besides, my nature is quite different from Riya's. While she is the centre of attraction, the solver of everyone's problems, I am kind of dull and aloof a lot of times. This discourages people to get frank and free with me. But I like it that way.

I still haven't got the DS TAship, which is kind of making me sad. Sad because my budget will go into a crisis if I don't get this much needed thing. Also, I am quite interested in teaching the first year people. They are dedicated and inquisitive to learn. This is one of the reasons why I didn't apply for the Graphics TAship, though I don't think I would have gotten it if I had applied.

Robotics has been converted to an IT elective from an open elective. The problem is that I need to take 3 open electives and 6 IT electives in the whole BTech career. I have already done/taken 5 IT electives, so Robotics is becoming an extra one. We tried to persuade prof. Kamal, but he is not ready to change. I mean, what has robotics got to do with Information Technology? Anyways, Robotics is so good that I am not dropping it. Instead, Data Compression (which I had taken up as a compromise to Optimizing Compilers) will be dropped. I am thinking to take up Linear Programming or Linear Control Systems as an alternative Open Elective.

Today is really busy, with a class, and two projects to work on. Lets hope that the coming days bring back some happiness in my life.

People change.

2005-11-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

A lot of times we hear about people who don't show respect to their parents, or are ashamed to show them to the people because they are not highly educated, or they don't do a very good job, or they are a little "rural" in the lifestyle.

Another thing is people ignore or insult their friends, when they get a great job or something, or get into a superior university. I mean, people tend to change because of their superior state than their parents, relatives and friends.

When we hear such stories, we tell ourselves and people around us that look, how bad people are. We are not like that. We won't change ever. But that thought remains only till they get into a real situation. Then, they also behave the same.

I exactly know how the transition happens. In the beginning, when there is nothing superior in them, they'd be all good-good friendly-friendly. When they get a good job or admission in some good university (for instance), they start thinking about THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO NOT CHANGE. They try and talk normally to people. From the inside, they have an implicit confidence and humility due to their position, but this is actually not true. They are being humble just because they are trying really hard not to boast about their superior state. This also means that they don't even tell people that they got an admission somewhere, etc.

Ok, fine, lets take the example of admission in a good university now.

So, slowly, the news spreads. People come and ask them about it. Some of the selfless, really true friends go on telling more and more people, just because they are genuinely happy (and such friends are really really really hard to find). The jealous ones publicize the issue in trying to count the weak points in the person, and why he doesn't deserve to get that admission. Actually, indirectly, and unknowingly, they are adding to his fame (the best example could be Microsoft. The more the people curse that company, the more popular and widespread it gets). He comes to know about the extent of his fame. Some people whom he didn't ever seen in life come and congratulate him. Some people think about getting him as a son-in-law, and what not.

With all this fame and publicity and such great honour, he is overjoyed. This is the state where the transition from I WILL NOT CHANGE to I AM SO AND SO (so and so as in such a high profile person) occurs. True friends and false ones add to this cause too. True friends boast about his friend so much that he develops an unneeded pride. False ones boast about him so that they can get favors from him.

With all this illusion of the ACTUALLY-NOT-SO-BIG success, he becomes one of those, the ones mentioned at the beginning. I don't know if there is a solution to this problem. Its not his fault. Its all because he gets carried in the glorious success he achieved and others celebrated. It'd take a real pure person, who has a heart made of gems (not the chocolate :P) to not change in such a situation. I don't know any person like that.

Busy again!

2005-11-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

Life is back on track now. The same busyness, tensions, projects, submissions, burning the mid night oil. Though it doesn't look to be too great. Someone might ask, what the hell? You like to be busy? You don't want freeness and fun in life. Well, its something like I have kind of become like a sanyasi or something.

Most of the time when people would find great fun in some outing, or dance, or dinner, or some movie, or some useless talk, I tend to get irritated. I mean, most of the time whats enough to keep me alive is, some light music. Along with that, I'd like at max ONE person to sit and talk with. A person who hasn't come to me because I am great at studies, or because I am great programmer or anything. A person who hasn't come because he wanted to borrow some money. A person who hasn't come because he didn't find anything else to do. A person who has just come to talk to me. He/she has no expectations, no favors to demand, no favors to do to me. Seldom do I find such people.

Anyways, this busyness keeps any irritation arising from these outer interferences at a low level. When I am busy doing work, I tend to ignore the surrounding. I tend to NOT think deeply. I tend to be less emotional, and more practical/technical. When I am busy, I feel as if I am one of those focussed ones, who are always aware of their future and present.

I am really not one of those. I tend to give an image as if my every action is very well thought out or something, but its really not so. To confess, I hadn't really planned anything about doing a software engineering course so far away from home. I saw the computer for the first time in my life in 1995. Since then I have been quite inclined towards the subject. I have always wanted to make an OS of my own, much much before I even knew about what an OS does. That time, my teachers told me that its impossible to make your own OS. But now I realize that its not impossible, though its not that straight forward either. Anyways, cut the OS crap, I was saying that NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN PLANNED IN MY LIFE. So, its never like I am the most aware of future, or I plan anything.

Tomorrow is the PR project presentation, and hopefully we'll do some part of it by tonight. There is just one class tomorrow, so that'd be a great relief. Anyways, this semester I've taken up Software Engineering, Computer Vision, Robotics, Making of the modern mind, Data Compression and BTP. That will make it 24 credits, along with PT, Mag and Data Structures TAship.

Wish me luck for PR.

Back to college.

2005-11-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

Finally, I am back after a 10-day-long holiday. Its not that 10 days is too much or anything, but thats quite a big chunk for me. After my hindi paper on 14th, I quickly came back to my room, and packed, and went off to Secunderabad. I had to catch a bus from there, which would take me to Indore.

I had my lunch there, and then was waiting for the bus at the travel agency office. There, I met Mr. K P Vaish. He was my copassenger, and was travelling with his wife and younger daughter. They had to visit some marriage in Indore. There were a few hiccups in the beginning, but soon we were in the bus, and it was rolling fast towards my destination. It stopped at some places for rest and food. I hung along with Uncle Vaish, who sponsered all my eating expenses too. There was another shy kind of guy with us. His name was A... actually I am not able to recollect the name, but it began with A.

The bus got punctured in the night, at about 8. I don't know what procedure did they use to repair it, but it took them 3 hours to complete it. Then, somehow I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning at around 7 AM, my bus was standing somewhere, and people eating. I thought it has stopped for breakfast, but alas! it had got punctured again!! When we entered Madhya Pradesh, it got overheated, and stopped. The driver switched off the AC, to prevent overheating. After this really hectic, annoying and long journey of about 25 hours, we reached Indore.

First day at home was all good good. I had a nice hair cut etc.

Okay fine, I think I can't write about what happened back home, I just don't feel like. I am back to college now. I came here yesterday, with AP express which was about 2 hours late as usual. The new semester has just begun. Lets hope for the best.

By the way, just to mention, Tanu gave me a nice little gift. Its some sort of locket, its a glass tube basically. It has a liquid in it, and two rice grains inside the liquid. The rice grains have something nice written on them. Really good present. Thanks Tanu.

Tired!

2005-11-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

Oh, its been a hectic day today. The pattern recognition paper in the morning, and then, planning the schedule for the lab test with Dr. Jawahar, and finally, checking the answer scripts, 200 of them. In the initial stages, it was confusing and inconsistant, I mean the grading. Then, as I crossed 50, it started getting easy, mechanical and consistant. And as usual, I was linient (don't know spelling), impartial and dedicated, hehe.

Anyways, before this, the PR preparation was a lesson in life worth remembering. With one day holiday in between, I became too complacent about it, as expected. So much so that I read the "OLD PORTIONS" of PR at 6 AM in the morning, just 3 hours before the exam. Anyways, as usual, the paper went on smoothly, with a few hiccups due to partial loss in short term memory (Short term memories ;)).

Next exam is on Monday, 14 November 2005. Its on Hindi Literature. I haven't begun studying yet, and its 13th November 2005 already! Pretty alarming, isn't it? Anyways, what I am more worried about is my journey towards Indore. The bus leaves Hyderabad at 4:40 PM on 14.11.2005, and I have no seat in that bus yet. They say, collect your ticket on the spot. This way there is a lot of risk involved. Lets see what happens. I will try to get the ticket by tomorrow.

I read an article on "average age when Indians lose virginity". Apparently, its been calculated to be 19.8 years. It does look quite low, for our so called traditional culture and rich heritage and all, but who cares. Amazingly, I am turning 19.8 on 18.11.2005. Well, doesn't mean I am going to do anything or something, but just a thought. By the way, if we know average, what would we call above average? Would it be 19.7 or 19.9? Someone argued that it should be 19.7, as when you cross 19.8, you become "late" in doing "that particular thing". Another argument could be, people "lose virginity at an average of 19.8", so doing 19.9 would mean, losing something "late", or rather, being better than 19.8. There is no end to this argument though, but one thing is sure, I am neither losing it at 19.7, nor at 19.9.

I called up Riya today, oops, not again! Well, actually, I was not going to call. She called me when I was away. So, I actually went to give her a missed call from the STD. But stupid girl, picked it up. Anyways, her exams and all are going on nicely too. And apparently, my calling her has caused problems to some people. What I want to say is, she's just connected with phone calls, while others have "options".

Today, Tanu is kind of behaving ajeeb. She had an accident, and kind of broke some bumper or something of her car, and has been upset for a lot of time, as she says. Anyways, one new thing is this Google Talk. She's kind of mad about the whole thing, though she has some project crap, so is not talking much, or maybe its the fear of her dad.

Anyways, wish me luck for Hindi, and luck to get the ticket. Bye!

New Sensation

2005-11-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

You stick out your tongue, and slowly bring it closer. Gently touch it to your tongue, and then press it harder. Wow, what a feeling it is. No no, I am not talking about some dope or anything. Its a 9 Volt Dry Battery. Its something of the size of a matchbox, with two electrodes at the top. It doesn't have much current in it, but its enough to give you a tickling sensation on the wet tongue. It really feels great.

Anyways, coming back to senses, today I got up at 6 AM in the morning as usual. Went for the usual exercise, no one else woke up though. I went to Physical Education Center, and checked if I had cleared the PT thing. The PC was something like P1 with Windows 98, gosh! It booted in something like 15 minutes. I got the PT credits! I was so excited and happy. I mean, its been three years now, though I am thinking to take it up next year too.

Exams are coming, 7th is first paper, POPL. What I am worried more is about Compilers and Pattern Recognition. I am supposed to take a class just now, would leave in a minute. Hopefully will be done with compilers before dinner. Lets hope for the best.

And again, I am mentioning that I am mentioning Riya, Tanu, Arun, and whoever is angry for not getting mentioned. Wish me luck!

What kind of people are they?

2005-10-31T18:39:00.000-08:00

Just a few days back there was a breaking news on almost all news channels over the world. It was when quake hit northern Pakistan and some parts of Jammu and Kashmir. Initially, when I came across this news, (actually one of the Pakistani net friends told me), I thought its just some small quake. Even the websites mentioned that a building or two had collapsed in Islamabad.

Slowly, it turned out that it was a huge tragedy. A huge portion of Pakistan Occupied Kashmir was destroyed, devastated, and the after shocks still continued to frighten quake striken people. Fortunately, there was not much damage in Jammu and Kashmir, or Delhi, etc.

Then came the repair-work, to restore life in affected areas. Pakistan was obviously not self sufficient in handling this. The international community came out with a lot of aid, including India (as a responsible neighbour). Its not been long, they are still in the :rescue phase: ... reconstruct is far far away.

Anyways, I just wanted to highlight the great tragedy that happened, but the main thing is not the quake. I want to talk about the Serial Blasts in Delhi. Just days after the quake, they do serial blasts in Delhi. THEY = Pakistanis ... (yeah, there is some militant group taking responsibility of it). I mean, what kind of people are they? They have been struck with the greatest tragedy ever. Their own leader says its a huge task. And what do they do? Kill people in India. Why? I don't know if its linked with change of head in J&K or something else. They attacked their neighbour who is helping them in the hour of need, the PM of which is asking its people to help people of Kashmir, in India and Pakistan.

It really requires a really inhuman heart to do such an act. What should India do then? I don't think its time to forgive and forget. Even Times Of India(Hyderabad) 31.10.2005 mentions that. The headline is Enough is enough, and its true. Enough is enough. Its time India shows its anger. Actually I am now mentioning the thoughts expressed there. It says, anger should be not thoughtless. It should be one which is in our interest. Why should we compromise our citizens' security just to be nice and friendly to our neighbour.

My personal view is, if they are so heartless that they attack you when they in the most miserable state, then, we should stop helping them. I would possibly think of praying for another quake to hit Pak. Anyways, this view is controversial even to me. I mean, its just some fanatic people doing this thing. It is in no way connected to the common people of Pakistan or PoK. That ways, on human grounds, I feel that its a great tragedy, and should never ever happen again. Alternatively, we can at least force Pakistan to let Indian army clear up the militant camps operating in Pakistan. I guess I am talking a little non-sense, too much into emotions and all. I guess its just my anger on what happened in Delhi.

----

Okay, now another thought process.

People are generally asked questions like, what if there is a situation that if you give your life, 1000 people will be saved. And the next one is, would your answer change if its 100000.

If we really look at the most practical so called rational answer, it would be NO, for both. Why is that? If you want to justify it in the shortest possible way, it'd be, "Jaan hai, to jahan hai.". It means, if you have life, then only you have the world. Without life, there is nothing (for you).

Well, this is certainly a really really selfish thought, one could say. But then, who remembers any dead person, however great he/she was. Einstein, Newton, Gandhi, Nehru, Churchill, or for that matter Hitler, all have been forgotten, swapped out of memory. Generally people don't begin their day by remembering anyone of them. When I am in any class, they say, this formula, this algorithm was made by so and so. Even the professor doesn't SPELL his/her name correctly, and says, forget about the name, concentrate on the invention/discovery. We seldom thank any of the scientists, artists, poets, writers.

This just explains that its just alive when we are alive. Life over, game over, free the memory. This one life, my own life, and the life of some 1000 or 100000, whats more important? Not more than 10 out of these 1000 or 100000 will thank you each day of their life, or for that matter each month. Whats the use of saving them then?

-----

Regarding my life, its going smoothly. I am wasting time like anything, not studying, seeing movies, going out, missing classes. Its really enjoyable and alarming too. I want myself to secure a nice SGPA. Its also because I want to reply to people who said, 6 courses, 1 project and a quarter TAship is too too heavy to survive. I want to show them that I did it. Lets hope I come back to senses and begin some study.

I am thinking to go home on 15th. If work doesn't stop me, I'll be going. By the way, Tanu was angry that I didn't mention her in my last post, hehe. There is nothing to write now, so just mentioning that I am mentioning her, hehe. Pray for me. Exams are coming.

No title

2005-10-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

Its been quite long since I wrote anything in this diary, not that I didn't want to. Actually, while walking, talking, thinking,.. words kept on coming in my mind, to-be-written in this blog, but now I don't remember anything.

The most recent things that have happened in my life are, that dad visited me, in my college, day before. It was a short stay of about 30 hours. I was also somewhat busy with classes and assignments. Anyways, I am going home soon, so its okay.

Dad got me a new cell. Actually we were just sitting and talking, when I suddenly demanded a cell. When Ashish also asked him to get me a cell, he got me one. It was a long battle trying to buy the cell. First of all, its almost impossible to find a Punjab National Bank ATM in Hyderabad. Anyways, finally, we got a Nokia 3220 for me. 640x480 camera, with video, about 3.5 MB of memory. The best thing is the dancing lights around the cell. I just love the cell, except for some functionality buttons, which are difficult to operate.

End semester exams are approaching soon, 7th November is the first one, and as usual, I haven't begun. Hopefully, I'll do the Sri Ganesh today, hehe. The DIP and PR projects are kind of bugging me. There is only 7 days to end sems, and if they are not done, I might have to cancel my tour to home. Lets see what happens.

Prof. Govindrajulu got a really bad feedback from our class, which was a little obvious. But people were a little too harsh on him. I think he felt bad about it. Anyways, I guess he's old enough to not be affected by such small things. And, what I think is, that he should try to change some of his ideals to fulfil the need of the hour.

I guess there is nothing else to write. Lets hope I am able to go home. And wish me luck for exams.

I am Windows 2000!!

2005-10-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

Which OStan are you?

You are Windows 2000 Professional Edition. You are the most stable and reliable of all the Windows girls. Of course, since your main comparison is with ME, that’s not saying much. You’re popular with some, but you’re being replaced with XP. You often help take care of your sister ME.

Midsem 2 : Day Three

2005-10-05T02:20:00.000-07:00

Well, there is no post for 'Day Two', which obviously means there was no time with me to blog. After I finished up my PR paper, yesterday, I was in a die or die situation. With three papers to prepare for, for today, I had no solution to this problem.

Today I had "CS4750 : Digital Image Processing" "CS3150 : POPL" and "hindi literature".

I took DIP and Hindi complacently as both had easy syllabi and I had studied them before (read as DURING CLASSES!!). POPL was one subject, which I even forgot the fullform of. The course was HUGE, and really ununderstandable. It was interesting, which means you wont get bored if you read the content, but learning a new PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE, in two days, is not a joke. Besides all this, was the examination fever, building up, which hindered the "learning process" even more.

I somehow managed to revise DIP (most of it), till about 7 PM, and then kept on reading, trying to understand, the all new language, OZ. The whole POPL course basically revolves around OZ. Though OZ is a really nice and powerful language, its syntax and concepts are really itchy.
(Think of calling functions as {Function A} instead of Function(A); )

I slept at 3:30 AM, in the hope that I will somehow make it to the examination hall at least before the time ends. I got up at around 5:30 AM, which accounts to less than 3 hours of sleep. DIP is the subject I love. So, its never painful to read, explain, understand, discuss it. I got ready in time, and gave the DIP paper, which went pretty cool.

Now was the test, test of my patience, memory, intelligence, and what not. Three hours for the POPL paper and then just an hour gap for Hindi. Finally, in the scheduling algorithm, Hindi won! I read some chapters of Hindi, actually the ones which were really huge and the ones I never ever read. This gave me some confidence of strategic superiority over those who hadn't done them.

Then, in the last two hours, I slogged, fought for life, discussed, read and read again, till I got some meagre percentage of the whole data into my head. I reached the examination hall about 5 minutes late. Unexpectedly, the POPL paper was not something out of the world. As time progressed, it seemed more and more conventional than something wierd and new. I attempted a 'respectable' part of the paper, wrote whatever I knew, could recall (some part was recalled as "images" instead "information", which means I just made the exact shapes/sentences/expressions/functions like those made in the book, so that I get marks). After I was satisfied, I left, with half an hour to spare.

When I was returning, a sense of happiness surrounded me, some kind of triumph over the challenge that was put before me. Though the Hindi paper is just an hour away, I am much more happy, and confident than I was a couple of hours ago. Lets hope I do it well too.

Wish me Luck!

@ Comment.
Yeah, sure I'll try to explain about the Hindi literature course in the next post.

Midsem 2 : Day One

2005-10-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

I don't generally write the title of the post when beginning to write it, but today, I know I am writing about, you know what!

The first day in Midsem 2 was supposed to be cool and easy, because the two courses "CS3155 : Compilers" and "CS3350 : Computer Networks" had really small syllabi and were expected to be easy.

I woke up early on Sunday morning, in the worry of revising all the left over courses as well as these two. Quite comfortably, I was able to finish with them, and also teach half a dozen others in the process. I had decided to get up early in the morning to do a final revision, but then, I was lazy enough to keep sleeping.

Morning 11, it was the compilers paper, which was quite simple, small and straightforward, except .... the last question. Actually there were only 3, and out of that I got stuck on the last one! Yacc, that was THE topic which I hadn't studied well, and oh my god, straight away '8 out of 20' marks going away! I somehow struggled to get these precious marks back, and wrote some crap in the process. I wrote an answer and then cut it, and then repeat! I am sure the evaluator will have a tough time to find out where the actual answer is.

There was a gap of six hours before the Networks exam, and I was waguely confident about the subject content. So, I was complacently wasting time till about 2 PM. Then, circumstances and the people demanded me to study, or at least explain the course content to my so-called students. After this tiring job of explaining things to totally confused people (who seldom bother to pay heed to the teacher during classes), I gave myself a break. I speedily ran through the book once more, to make sure I was not missing out anything.

Finally, it came. Such an easy paper, 10 questions, all non intuitive, non intelligent, non tricky, just simple essay questions. I wrote whatever came to my mind regarding each of them, and maybe much much more than was ever required, still sparing 45 minutes. I finished the 90 minute paper in 45 minutes!

After this big relief of completing two papers out of the six, I felt a bit relaxed. In the process of "a bit relaxing", I wasted time upto something like nine PM. I somehow opened the book and slept over it. Which book? Obviously, Pattern Recognition. I have a PR paper tomorrow morning, at 11, rather today.

"CS4770 : Pattern Recognition Systems", its basically a nice course, and Prof. PJN teaches it perfectly. Its good to listen to, and understand in the class. But when it comes to collecting all the information and really answering something, its a real mess. I mean, the course is not huge, but its so ... mathematical, for a start, and then... there are things like similar sounding terms and similar algorithms, one almost mixes the whole thing to create a hotch-potch.

I couldn't gain any conciousness till about 1 AM. I somehow picked myself up, and dragged the body to reach Amit's room. We went to the canteen for a 'walk'. I helped myself with a really strong coffee. With all the caffeine in my blood, now, I am quite awake and wasting time, reading and writing blogs. Sooner I get back to senses and start studying, the better it'd be!

PS: Devansh wrote a really good "testimonial" for me. You can view it here. The description is quite nice, actually too good for me to fit in it. Anyways, I am thankful to him for writing it. Maybe I'll write him one too, though I am really lazy and I really suck at describing things.

Wish me luck!

Exams : I am too busy

2005-09-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

Its seriously not possible to keep blogging while my blog is open for the public, somehow the best in me comes out when I am hidden from the world. Its not in favour of the world, but then, its their fate, hehe. Anyways, still I am continuing with it.

Life is fine here, kind of hasty due to the exams that are just two days away. I feel that its more of the hype created by the students than the real pressure. I mean, come on, the syllabi are not too big, or complex, except for a few exceptions, but then there is a hell lot of time too.

I've been reading PR for like 3 days now, a little more than is required I guess, and a little bit of DIP, Networks and POPL. Well, I am not afraid of any of these, but I want to finish within time. Its just 7 AM now, and I have this whole day minus 5 hours, and the whole day of tomorrow too. I have to study some part of DIP, the whole of Compilers, the whole of Networks and POPL, the left over of PR and an overview of Hindi. Lets sum it up..

DIP - 1.5 Hrs Approx. - 2 Max.
Compilers - Don't know - Don't know - Lets say 5 hours.
Networks - 1.5 Hrs Approx. - 2 Max.
POPL - 2 Hrs Approx - 3 Max.
PR - 1 Hr Approx - 1.5 Max.
Hindi - Leisure time - Leisure time - something around 2 Hrs.

Summing it up, I get 1.5 + 5 + 1.5 + 2 + 1 + 2 = 13 Hours. Approx.
and 2 + 5 + 2 + 3 + 1.5 + 2 = 16 Hours max.

And I need more time to study the subjects of tomorrow, that is Compilers and Networks, which will take around 3 + 3 = 6 hours. In all, I'd be required to study for about 19 to 22 hours within the next 48 hours. A big percentage I would say, lets see how am I able to cope with it.

Rest is fine. I haven't recharged my cell, and which apparently is causing a lot of "problems" for Riyanca and Tanu. Well, there is no reason why there should be any. I mean, I am not Lata Mangeshkar, and if you talk of communication, we are chatting almost daily, so shouldn't be any problem. And I am going to NOT RECHARGE for another, lets say, 15 days. Actually the card will expire in 3 months and so I have all the time in life. Mom and Dad also want me to recharge, which is explainable, but then, I'll somehow convince them to talk to me via my friends' phones.

Nothing else is happening here, as you already know, I am too busy for the next 48 hours, and even after that. Wish me luck!

Blog : An analysis

2005-09-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

I decided that this place, MY BLOG _UnPrEdictAbLe_, should be opened up for the public, so that people can read it, find out what I feel, maybe say something about it, etc. Well, this decision didn't come as a consequence of something, but just that everyone has a "open blog", so shall I.

I found out that with the useless content and really bad english that I use (maybe there are no spelling mistakes, but sentence formation is completely crap), no one was interested in reading it. That can be taken as both a positive sign and a negative one. Positive because even now my privacy is intact, something like being alone in the mob. Negative because this will discourage me, as I will come to know how bad I am in writing blogs.

Err... you might think that what the hell, why am I talking about blogs?? Well, its kind of coming repeatedly to my mind, I mean this topic, so I wanted to write about it. By the way, I have a separate blog to write thoughts into, Thoughts!

I was trying to find out why people write blogs? And how is it different from a diary on paper? Some of the answers to 'why people write blogs' that come to my mind are,
* To remember what happened.
* To learn from their mistakes.
* To store and convey or broadcast their thoughts.
* To show off!
* To impress someone.
* To distribute some information or knowledge (all tech blogs).
* To reduce the tension on them, to vomit all the pain to the blog.

Well, even I blog for similar reasons, but then, there is a big question on 'what content should be allowed to viewed by which people' ? I mean, we can't just show all our feelings openly to the public, can we? This way people can take advantage of our unstable emotional or mental or physical state. If not that, then we can actually come across a situation where we might make some person read our thoughts which we never wanted him/her to know. We might also not want to spoil our "social reputation" because there can be some difference between our behaviors/thoughts in public and the actual us.

All above issues put some kind of restriction on the content and the presentation of the blog. But, if we are untrue even to the blog, then there is no place where we don't hide ourselves in a "good looking mask". So, we will in turn start going away from reality and start living in a phoney world, and start believing that the virtual-reality is the real thing.

One of the solutions is to have two blogs, one for the public, and another for ourselves. This way, we can convey the "conveyable" to the public, and also remain close to the reality by writing the harsh reality in the other one. Another risky alternative is to not care about anyone and write what we want to. Though most people will call the people following the second alternative as PURE and TRUE, but then, speaking a lie is much much different from keeping quiet (where the first alternative basically does the latter thing).

Concluding the whole thing, I'd like to say that blog is a place to put forward your thoughts, but just like social behavior, we must try to follow some way of separating or hiding the harsh reality from the public. We should also ensure that even with this "hide the harshness mask", we aren't UNTRUE in the facts we write.

GOD Life Humanity .. some philo crap!

2005-09-27T00:58:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday in the hindi class, we were taught something about "Vishv Mandir". It says that the entire world is the home of god. We should try to look into ourselves to find the god within us, instead of looking for him in temples and mosques. After this happens, there will be no discrimination, it will not be like, this is the place of god and that is not, every place will be his home. And we will find everyone as good, and we'll love all. There will be no discrimination based on the religions.

Another thing I came to know was the meaning of the word MANDIR. I thought it was related to something about praying and that too strictly Hindu thing. But the literal meaning of the word MANDIR is home! So, actually MANDIR is called MANDIR because its the home of god. So, its kind of contradictory to say that there is a home for god, because the entire universe and maybe beyond that, this whole structure is His home, and the sooner we realize it, the better it will be.

Anyways, another doha that I came across is ... (I really don't remember it)
jab tak main tha, hari nahi they .. ab hari hai.. main nahi..

It means that till I had "ego" (main), then there was no god within me, but now that there is god within me, there is no ego left!

I came to know that Hinduism is nothing. That is there is no religion called Hinduism. Actually, the way of life in this Indian region is called Hindu culture, so basically Hinduism is a culture, and the religion of the people of Hindu culture is SANATAN DHARM. Actually, this SANATAN DHARM is also not any religion. DHARM means DUTY. So, basically these are the set of DUTIES which a human needs to follows while acting in different roles in life, like the DUTY of a Student for his teacher, for a son for his father, etc. And when there were other RELIGIONS coming in India, like Islam, then, how to distiguish? We called ourselves as of HINDU RELIGION, which wasn't there before. And there was no concept of RELIGION in our culture, so what did we do? DHARM (which means DUTY) was also overloaded with another meaning, RELIGION. If we realize this fact, then there will be no anger for other people, and might as well help us understand our culture better.

Seems like I've been getting too philosophical these days, hehe. Anyways, I was just sitting and sleeping in my room, (I actually slept a lot, and missed POPL class too, along with the PT ofcourse), and suddenly a thought came to my mind.

The video of the song "Show me the meaning of being lonely - Backstreet boys" was being played on the PC. I thought how a man lives his life, has thousands of expressions, experiences, and meet so so many no. of people, and does such varied amount of things. Then, one day, he dies. Still, there are another 5 billion left on the planet, who continue living. Even when all these 5 billion will be gone, another 10 billion will start living here (population explosion, lol).

So, I thought to myself that this world is some sort of a place where everyone gets a chance to play his/her part, and when the end comes, you leave the place for others. What remains permanent? I guess almost all of us believe in, or have faith in some god. And the same god, after we are gone, will be with the other new set of people. So, this means A HUMAN BEING is basically so small in front of the ever prevailing GOD.

A forwarded mail about a girl who got 80% burnt in a car accident, and has no fingers, a non functioning eye and horrifying look now, moved me a lot. Though the forward was about driving slowly, but then I thought to myself, if for a moment we go inside her body and feel it, how would it be like? Her only chance to live on this earth has been completely damaged and made off the track. Now she has no choice but to live this burden, such horrifying and depressing. I really felt sad for that girl, I don't know her, but still she is a fellow human. Oh dear God, don't do this to anyone else, again. :(

Anyways, another thought that came to my mind is, because this is my only chance on this planet to do my part, nothing should get messed up. I don't have a RESTART ARENA button like Quake. So, basically I would want that my life goes perfectly, I get a perfect job, or maybe do something great, I get the perfect wife, etc. But these selfish thoughts surround me a lot of times, so it was not just these this time too.

I was thinking that well, just like I want a perfect life because this is my last chance to do something, another 6 billion minus one people are also here to do the same. I mean, each and every human life, or for that matter animal life is actually acting its part for the LAST TIME. And so, we should not do something that will somehow disrupt their perfect path, or maybe help a few who are off the track.

And this is not for any COMMUNITY CAUSE, this way, I'll be adding to my own perfect life, because in my definition, perfection also includes PERFECT IN HELPING PEOPLE. So, I don't want to stand at the verge of dieing, and think that, Kaash, I had helped someone in this life, why did I miss doing that!!

Anyways, enough of the philosophy crap, coming back to reality. Exams are near, and I haven't begun preparing. Six papers, Hindi, POPL and networks look easy, DIP and PR look easy but lengthy, and Compilers looks difficult, lengthy, confusing, and I am quite scared of thinking about it. Today, I am studying PR before the DIP class and maybe in the night, so, NO CHAT WITH TANU TONIGHT.

Aahhh.. forgot to mention, Tanu and I have finally come to a conclusive decision to COMPLETELY REVERT BACK TO FRIENDSHIP. There was some hesitation left, and so finally, when I boldly mailed her, explaining it all, she also conveyed that she was hesitating to tell all that to me. So, all's well!

Piyush, a junior came to me for help regarding his project in java. He doesn't know CPP and he wants to do JFrame and WindowListener and inheritance and interfaces in one night, can you believe that? Anyways, hope he gets it postponed somehow.

I've been writing in the LUG Wiki, some articles about FC4 and YUM and SQL, etc. Its fun and tonight there is a LUG meeting. Lets see what comes out of it.

Umm.. I guess that about it for today. I'll be taking a shower and getting back to studying PR in a short while. Pray for me.

Sunday .... getting bored at home :(

2005-09-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

Its Sunday evening, and here I am sitting idle, pretty much free, and alone. We had decided to work on our project (which we rarely do), but then Freaky wanted a break as usual.

I ordered a pizza for dinner, just because Sumeet kept on pushing me, its become a habit now. It was really awesome, what great taste, Dominos really rocks!

Anyways, I've been going to PT regularly these days, exercising a bit, hehe. Now its not a burden to get up and all, kind of getting into the habit of getting up early. Reminds me of this...
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.... but now they say.... Early to bed and early to rise, makes your girl go to other guys. ;)

Err... so finally, I am here, sitting in my room, and sick people, no one is even coming online. I am thinking to myself, why didn't I also go out somewhere? Mom called up a few mins ago, asking me about my activities, etc. I told her that I'll prepare for the exams, so maybe in a few hours/minutes I'll do that.

All these days have been good, not much to say anything about though. My project with Freaky has been going on well. Jawahar sir asked us to change the presentation module of our code, and show it in a more "queryable" format. We decided to use the good old MySQL. Initially it looked as if it'd simply take ages to do it, but then, it was almost done completely in one night. And when the first "simplest ever" query returned the image, WE WERE SO SO DELITED!! IT WASN'T A NEW DISCOVERY, BUT THEN, ITS JUST THAT MY CODE WORKED!! Hehe, reminds me of the tag line "Mera Code Chal Gaya!!"

Okay, I really forgot what I had written about Tanu in the last blog, so just read it again for a recap. Well, the situation is tending towards normal now. But well, there is some minimum amount of "strained feeling" in the minds of us both regarding this friendship. I mean, its not the same anymore.
NO, I don't love her.
NO, I don't hate her.
NO, I am not expecting any love or wanting any.
NO, I don't want to hurt her.
NO, I am not ignoring her.

YES, I care.
YES, she is friend.
YES, I want to talk to her.
YES, I want to meet her.
YES, I want her to remain my friend, forever.

Anyways, I think it will get a little more sorted out when I talk to her face to face, but that looks like a remote possibility, because my holidays are soooo less that I might not meet her.

Okay fine, lets stop talking about her, she's been eating up my diary space since about a month now, so, from now on we'll talk less about her, and more about sensible topics. :)

There are a few assignments to be done, plus PT, plus the mid sem preparation, plus Visual Tracking project, plus Mobile Blog, plus FCC, plus, I will find a girl for me in Hyderabad, hehe.

Ohh, and forgot to mention about Riya. She has been quite dedicatedly studying and working on her project. Its been ages since I last called her. I really like her voice, and the sound of her laughter, really makes me feel, I don't know like what. I've never met her and have seen her only in a really zoomed out pic (thanks to her), but she has really ... err.. I am not getting any word. Anyways, she has conveyed to me that she wishes to gift me with something for whatever I did for her. I don't really know what did I do? I mean, with text and audio, how MUCH can a person help the other? And even if I did, can't she help me that much through text and audio in order to pay back? Anyways, whats there to pay back? It was a two way thing, give and take, and friendship mein what give and what take! Lets see, I've taken up the job to guide her in the project, I hope she is successful in completing it.

And on a closing note, someone please get my FAN working, its really hot in here! :(

Back to friendship....

2005-09-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

I generally don't feel comfortable when someone goes on appreciating me, saying, you're good, too good, too too good, etc. Well, one of the reasons is that "I am not too good", or rather "I am not even good". What makes me good? That I am not very harsh generally? Or that I'll be "looking" stable even if anything happens? Well, I am human too, and similar to any other, there is an "unexpectedly great reaction" to any "not so expected situation" I am put into. Its just my architecture, which is somewhat made such that, on the surface, there is almost no movement. To sum it up, most of the "approximations" saying that I am too good, or highly patient, or any other, are derived from the "surface", and not from the "actual ME" within.

People at times think that they are too close to me (interpret it as "knowing me really well" and not as "being important for me or in my life"), and give really inaccurate opinions about me. Almost 99% of the time, the person is really important for me, and I care for him/her a lot, but, they really don't know me. It is not because I don't tell them the truth, but because they never ask it.

My theory about "frankness, true friends and truth" is somewhat dissimilar to what some others have. People believe that, a true/frank friend is one, which tells you the TRUTH bluntly on your face, even if you get hurt. I don't think that this is absolutely correct. "Saying the truth" means just "conveying the exact information contained in some particular data", there is no definition of "the format in which it is conveyed". So, according to most people, a true person conveys the "truth" in the most blunt and harsh words possible.

Contrary to that, I feel, a true friend, in addition to conveying the "truth" should take care about the choice of words, so that "the conveyed information" remains exactly the same (as harsh as it can be), but the way of telling is smooth and soft. This should not be confused with "conveying smooth and soft truth", here we are conveying a "harsh truth" with "soft words".

Anyways, so knowing me has two parts, "having a real desire to know me", which is really absent almost in all people, because people don't have to understand me, which is anyways not so important. The second part is "really making me feel that you are the person I can open up with". This, I feel, is not explainable in words, its just some feeling, and is definitely not IMPULSIVE.

Well, it doesn't really mean that people around me are totally confused. This whole concept can be thought of as, to drive a car, you need to know whats the clutch, break and accelerator. Whats beneath it, you don't really need to bother.

Coming back to reality, now I am in this new scenario, with some change of relation with Tanu. Its like, somewhat hung state between love and friendship. No, there was really no feeling of love or anything, but just that she is good and sweet, so I thought, lets see if she is girl. The distance between us, 1400 Kms is really enough to suppress any such attempt to "try" a girl.

For a few days, we really didn't have a very well defined state, and finally she decided that we should revert back to friendship. Well, it was really relieving for me when she said that. No, its not like I made some wrong decision or something, but when she is not so ready kind of, then why take a step ahead. Now, what I think is that she really likes me or something, and slowly wants to push it somehow back on track of love.

On the contrary, now I feel that it wasn't really correct to put myself and her in such awkward situation, and now I have stopped thinking about it in THAT direction. Rather, now I am moving towards having better friendship with her, knowing her more, but thats it. No, I am not closing doors for any possibility, but I am not looking forward to "knowing each other just because some day we want to get into a relationship", but rather "knowing each other as friends". So, this whole thing should be just wiped out of history, that we were ever in any such state of moving towards a relationship. Later in life, if there is a situation, when WE feel that we want a relationship, then we can think, not now. And that kind of leaves us free to go with any other person too, though "friendship" will remain, forever.

I read her diary, and she asked me to call her, well, I'll call in some time, maybe after half and hour or so. And the kind of stuff she writes, looks like she has an obsession for me, which I really don't want. So, I am going to advice her to stop thinking so much, just remain like, friends, not spend so much money for me, etc. And after reading her diary, I am really confused about how to react when I meet her in December.

And another issue is "I don't want to hurt her".

Err.. reminds me of that song, and I am imagining her singing this song in some "viraan kona" of the city maybe..

Dil mera tod diya usne, bura kyon manoo...
Dil mera tod diya usne, bura kyon manoo.....
Usko hak hai ke vo mujhe pyaar kare ya na kare...

hehehe.

Anyways, to be really optimistic, I want this to go this way.
Me and her become really good friends, no formalities and stuff, and thats it. Friendship, "the healthy relationship", is really nice, with no problems, confusions, dilemma, etc. Maybe she is right, "friends are more important than lovers".

Okay, cut the crap.

Rest of the life is really okayish. PR assignment was really tough, my sunday got completely used up in doing it, no masti, no going out. And I haven't met professor Jawahar yet. He must be really pissed with our group now. I am working on the project now, and I hope I can show him something today. The "makeBoundingBox" algorithm had some flaws, which we didn't change ever since it was first implemented, so now I am looking to correct it.

Yesterday night, we had an "all boys night". Yes, it didn't last till late in night because Ashish had some work. But it was fun time spent with the "boys". And anyone trying to talk any damn thing about any girl got so much of penalty, that almost all people never dared to talk a word about any girl. We didn't click any snaps though, but it was fun time altogether.

Today there are a few more classes, just one to be precise. Before that I need to meet Prof Jawahar. I am working on the code now, and will call "her" at lunch.

Oh, and ya, forgot to mention about "Riyanca". She came online that evening. I was outside, so I could come online only after some time. She wasn't talking very normally that day. A little formal kind of, more like "net friends" than like "friends". Well, it is really hurting to me, that I am losing her. On the other hand, its good too, that she now has only one best friend, Manish, who is near her, can help her, etc. What will I do without her? Well, my words look hollow to me. Did I care as much as it seems like? Do I care even now, or its just something I am pretending to do? No, its not about pretending to the world. Its about I am pretending to myself that I care. I really don't know the truth, as if I myself am a little far from the real me now.

Ciao.

This place is unsafe now!

2005-09-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

Ganesh chaturthi, holiday today! And I was kind of tired of yesterday's talking, chatting, so I kept on sleeping till late in the morning. Rest of the day was sleepy too.

My mid semester examination are over, so kind of free now. The exams were good, and I got "approximately second or third highest" in DIP, something to make me happy. I have not been working on my project, just wasting time, online, or something, so I need to tighten up now.

Greatest achievement in the history of the fifth semester is that I attended the morning PT class day before and also yesterday! Whats more astonishing is Arora aka Jaanu also attended. Whats even more UNBELIEVABLE is Agrawal aka Grawl too! We've decided to do it regularly now.

So, in these morning PT sessions, I've been going to the gym, just trying out, hehe. The hands and stomach muscles are aching like hell, my hand is like, not even becoming straight. Lets see how it turns out to be in the days to come.

Its like, today, I am not able to write. Tanu has asked me to give the link to this diary to her. I really really can't give her. And most probably wont give her. So, I am a little hesitant in writing things here, today.

Its about 3:15 AM now, and I need to get up for PT, so I'll end this post now, though, my heart wants to write more, but, it looks too unsafe to write. Cya.

Why am I good? (posted on 6.9.2005)

2005-09-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, fine, I am kind of sick of hearing this. People keep telling me that I am good, I am clear hearted, I am honest, and what not. Why do they think I am all those? To most of them, I didn’t do any big favor than searching for an internet link, talking to them by coming online when they needed, or just hanging out with them.

Yeah, people over the internet get “attracted” to me faster, but people around me are also getting influenced. I don’t dislike the appraisal, but I fear one thing.

I know that I am just a normal human being, being misinterpreted by all these people. So, when the glitters of my “goodness” vanish, and the people try to explore me more and more, all they’ll get is disappointent.

The fall has begun..

2005-08-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a nice midsemester examination. Networks and Compilers as easy as ever, and PR getting screwed, all unexpected things happening here. Its okay, who cares. Tomorrow is DIP, and I am so complacent about it, not even reading the book properly, just reading without concentration.

Riyanca, ohh, what to say now. I think the fall has begun. No, she didn't do anything, but I think that this internet friendship is getting too much for her. Its not like I don't think we are not as good friends or something, but then, still, I think she needs to depend more on people around her, and not on some internet link miles away. So, you can say, now I am trying to make her go away from me, its not very good for me, makes me sad and all, but then, its good for her, and so I am doing it.

I guess she'll be beginning to feel it now that my hold on our so called "eternal friendship" is losening. She told me this before too, that finally I will leave her, as if we never met. Its not like that is what I always wanted to do or something. I really want her to be with me, and me with her. But if that harms your own friend, you don't want that right? So, I am doing it. I hope everything gets okay.

Rest is all fine. Tanu and I are carrying on nicely with our talks. Now now, don't tell me that you got Tanu, so you are leaving Riyanca or something. Its like, a girl who takes so keen interest in the minutest detail of my life, remembers all my friends, their names, their habits, and what not, can't be replaced by someone else. So Riyanca can't be replaced, ever. Anyways, so Tanu's been friendly all these days. One day she stopped and asked on phone, that we didn't used to talk so much and such friendlily, you remember? And then, as if she thought it was not correct to ask it, she just switched the topic. I don't know whats happening. Is it friendship? Mind you, we flirt a lot these days. Can't say its love, because my heart doesn't say, YES, this is the girl.

I got to know of another new algorithm for my visual tracking project. Its called something motion detection. So, instead of the old crappy image substraction, I will try to use this new algorithm. Lets see how successful I am. I'll begin working on it from tomorrow.

I haven't gone to PT yet, so thats a little bit of problem. I'll surely begin from 2nd September, hehe.

Anyways, wish me luck for DIP.

Smoothness returns..

2005-08-22T23:51:00.000-07:00

Seems like I was really depressed last time I blogged here. Its getting normal again. Not that all that was not true, but now I don't pay heed to all those things anymore.

Riyanca, well, what should I say? She's been okay all these days. I guess all it needs is a little more time. She has her final year and so she should concentrate on studies and all. Internet friendship is okay, I mean, if we do meet in life, I think we'll get friendly and comfortable with each other much much faster than if we had never talked online. And, I approximate the time to get normal as 2 hours 47 minutes, magical figure, hehe.

Exams are approaching and there is an overload of assignments, along with taking classes of juniors. I've been regularly missing PT since the first day, so, I need to tighten up on that front too. Less than a week is left for the First Mid Semester Examination, and I haven't begun preparing, something like a "fake confidence" in me is stopping me.

Forgot to mention about my article on "Analysing Love".

This one was too much condemned and looked down upon, but when yesterday RIYANCA appreciated it, it felt so good from within. I can't say, oh she appreciates my articles so she is my true friend, because true friends give the "correct opinion" and not the "sweet opinion". Well, she IS my true friend is a different thing, hehe.

Actually nothing is happening around me, so there is really nothing to write about. I sometimes feel as if I blog only when I'm in pain and grief, so finally breaking the trend, I am posting on a normal day. I'll definitely forget posting when I am really "happy". Wish me luck for the forthcoming exams. :)

7 dark days.

2005-08-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

Enough of crap, I've been making a shield around me which has been covering the "so dump and unstable" me inside and showing an intelligent, stable and friendly version of me to the public. But, it feels as if the "shield" has withered out now, and I am feeling the pain of being exposed to the world.

These 7 days have been bad, really bad and depressing for me. The only good thing happened is that my ear is back to normal now, so I can HEAR things. As each day passes, I get a new shock, a new pain, an unending one.

Ever since the snake has bit Riyanca, she has changed. Now, I know that I am not as important to her, after all "its a virtual world", as she claims. I can't go and tell her how I feel, because thats how I am made, I don't say things. You need to understand them. I don't think things will get better anytime soon. She's got a great friend, (which I came to know of a few days ago), Manish, and he really cares for her. So, what am I going to do? I'm going to just leave them, happy together, and dip myself into loneliness. I guess thats right too, because this distance between us is really dampening and extinguishing the flame of friendship between us.

Yesterday was Independence Day, great thing, wow. There was a "blood donation camp" set up in the college. I kept on thinking about to do it or not. Even the girls of "first year" donated blood, and I kept thinking. Why? Just because of the fear of "the needle"? Rest of the conditions for me and the ones who donated were exactly same. Finally Ashish gave the fake consolation that "you could get infected by AIDS here, so better donate when you are at home", and I accepted it. How bad. This thing is eating me from within all the time.

Then, I wrote something in blog and orkut. And people made me realize that I am not that good in that either. Neither do I know about Love, nor about Politics.

Finally, here I am, sad, alone, in my room, not a good friend, not a good citizen, not knowledgable, not skilled, not intelligent, a loser basically. Oh, what should I do? But alas, I'll continue living in my "fake image", hiding all the sadness, the pain.

Long time no see....

2005-08-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

28 July ... 9 August... long time its been when I scribbled here. Not that I didn't want to, or didn't get time to, but I was hesitating to, and whenever I sat down to type in, either some disturbance or a change in mood or my health problems would stop me.

Its been nice since I last posted... err.. correction.. I didn't write since 21 July. I actually read the last post. Things have changed a lot. We've had a phase of orientation as well, not all of it was much fun and it was not very long lasting. For the first few days the juniors were like, kind of fearful and almost crying. After some incidents and when faculty started interfering its been quite normal for them. The official public orietation function was fun, but after a junior got ill, the interaction has almost completely stopped.

I've got the job as a TA for C programming under Prof. Jawahar. Its a fun thing teaching the first years, such innocent and inquisitive faces, curious to learn, unlike us, uninterested and sleepy, hehe. I was hesitating while going to the first class, as if how will they react, will I be able to control them, or they will dominate, will I answer their doubts or not. etc. But since then, there has been no looking back, its been fun and frolic all the time, and I DID NOT FLIRT WITH ANY JUNIOR GIRL YET.

The other day Ashish had to take a "regular" class of the first years in ITWS because the professor was absent. He asked me to help. Given the mic in front of a 180 odd audience, I was a little unstable in the beginning, but then as we started catching the flow, it was all great fun, and just masti.

Tanu.. I've been talking and thinking about her a lot. What should I do? What does she think about me? Even about proposing her, etc. Not that I love her or anything, or do I, actually I am not sure. She is a nice girl, talks to me sweetly, but then I talk to so many people sweetly, so can she, so that doesn't mean love or anything. My heart and mind always become uncertain when I talk about her. And Riyanca is fed up of me talking about her. Poor her, whenever she comes online, all she has to hear is her her and her, hehe.

I received the cards from Fouzia as a token of our one year old friendship. Its not that its bad or anything, but its just that it doesn't make me much happy to see them. They are not bad or anything, they are good, just that I don't know why they don't give me a lot of happiness as one would expect. I've been ignoring her these days, not that I wanted to, but just because of our network, my work, etc, etc.

I started two more blogs, Fedora Core Solutions and Fedora Core Customizer. The first one deals with the problems and solutions of FC and the second one is about a new project to enhance Fedora, which I have been thinking of doing since months. Their links are...
http://fcsolutions.blogspot.com
http://fccustomizer.blogspot.com

Tanu and I talked on phone the other day for long, just because its free for her to call reliance mobiles. She was just mentioning that I spoilt her by making her chat late in nights. So, we decided not to talk from now on forever till one of us feels the need to, and the one who starts it will lose. We didn't talk for a few days, but then, friendship day, smses from Chahat, and circumstances made us talk. I did the first SMS and she made the first call, I don't know who lost.

On Sunday was Freshers Welcome Party, though I missed a major part of it doing the DIP assignment. That reminds me that the DIP assignment is kind of interesting. I've been adding capabilities to the software and its become quite nice now. So, coming back to the topic, the Freshers was nice, nothing to tell about, just marking a new landmark.

On Sunday, Riya got bit by a snake, she called to inform me, and also smsed. My balance got over just the minute she smsed me. I was helpless. I was moving around on the road, so I went to a Hutch Shop and recharged. I smsed her, but it didn't reach, I tried to call but it didn't ring. I smsed Alvy to call but it didn't work. I was just consoling myself till late in the night saying that she sent me an sms and called me, that means that she is okay and in senses. She called up late in the night, and didn't tell me anything clearly, but I somehow could understand that she was okay. I was still worried for most part of the night, I don't know when did I sleep, or did I sleep? The next night she called up and told me that she is okay and she was under observation yesterday. I just tried to talk casually, but she took it as if I didn't care. Anyways, doesn't matter, people do misjudge me all the time, I am unpredictable, hehe.

I got a proposal from Sid to go to Mumbai this Friday. I was thinking about it, and started to fantasize meeting Riyanca. But then she is not well, and besides, I can't lose her. What if she thinks that I am not the same person she chats with and changes her opinions, I can't afford that. So, I decided not to go with Sid, though this decision became obvious when no one wanted to go, or the plan was not feasible, and so it was cancelled. Still, it can again come to limelight and I might be put in a situation to decide about going to Mumbai, and if I go, should I tell her and if I tell her, should I meet her, etc, etc.

Ohh, forgot to mention about my blocked ear. My ear was kind of blocked since about 10-12 days, its getting better now. I was planning to see a doctor, but I guess now its not required. I hope it becomes completely okay.

Rest is all fine, three fours projects, classes, assignments, wierd friends, and ME.

Its raining...

2005-07-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

It has just started to rain heavily, and a cool breeze with some water droplets is making me feel fresh and cool. Its been a nice evening, just 11 PM now, and I plan to sleep early, maybe just after doing my DIP assignment. I missed the Compilers class today, because I was late as usual. From tomorrow I want to attend the morning PT compulsorily.

After dinner when I returned from the canteen, my friends were doing the so called "official ragging". Most of it was over as it is restricted to 10:30 PM only. And its not bad actually, just some talking and all, though the juniors are scared a hell lot, hehe. Let me see, I'll also try to do some tomorrow.

Rest is all fine in my life, I mean it is supposed to be so. I started a new blog website just to open my writings for the public, but I plan to post only "articles" unrelated to me in any way in that. Its address is http://unpredictablerulz.blogspot.com

I went to Koti the other day to get some books, and to get gift for Bhanu's birthday, something like a combined present, we got her a jacket. But, unexpectedly, we returned early and didn't even have dinner, so I decided to not eat anything in the night.

I got myself a new card, a sim card, Hutch again. Its number is 9885288970. And the first call I made was a missed one to dad. Then to Ravi Shankar. It was because I didn't remember any other numbers, hehe. I smsed Alvy about my new number, and Tanu came to know through MSN, so she smsed me. Finally today I smsed Riya about my new number and she was like, I thought you blocked me, I am going to someone's birthday party, see you, bye.

One major change these days is the behavior of tanu. I don't know if it has come back to normal or am I expecting a little too much, but the fact remains, she is not talking to me or replying to my sms. If I ask her, HOW ARE YOU?, her reply is, WHY DO YOU ASK? This is kind of rude and all, but I thought there is no problem, and we are like before. But like before means what, she talked less then, but then she didn't reply in such a tone. Something is wrong, or maybe its just her workload. We'll find out soon.

Confused!!!!

2005-07-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

I've a painful and blocked ear.... a headache . and a muddled up head... its a little chilly here... and my chair is broken.. so I've back ache too... and thanks to god its raining so cant go out also. This is no movie scene but what I'm in right now.

Today, sun didn't rise for me, I was sleepy because of the chatting late in the night. Mom called up at 6, asking me to wake up for class, so I told her that its at 10. I didn't get up for the Pattern Recognition class at 10. When the sound of my PC, my fan and the hot rays of the sun forced me to get up, it was 2 PM. I got up lazily and did nothing.

At six, I had the DIP class, so was planning to get ready in any circumstances. In the afternoon, Chahat and Tanu started talking. Chahat is Tanu's friend from Amritsar, and is visiting her in Indore. We've been talking since about a week and have become good friends. Most of the time its not even possible to guess who is talking, Tanu or Chahat, but its fun.

At 5:22 PM, I went to get ready, buzzed all my friends to ask the venue of the class and then finally managed to reach class, ten minutes late, sweating and breathless. The class was good, Prof. Namboodiri is good, but it was too hectic to keep listening for an hour and half. I came back from class with a headache.

I slept in my room for a while, thinking that Chahat will go tomorrow so I should be available online to talk to her for the second last time. She didn't come. I fell deep asleep. My friends woke me up for dinner, for which I reluctantly got dressed. The dinner was awesome, what variety and good taste, better by any standards for our mess.

I returned to my room soon, and started doing nothing. I wanted to do the assignment which the DIP prof. gave, just out of enthusiasm. When I had nothing to do, I considered reinstalling my Windows XP. Soon it was done and soon Tanu and Chahat arrived.

We started talking as usual, this and that. Chahat mentioned how Tanu took Narialpani at 11 because I had recommended. I said it was sweet. But then she insisted to say it romantically. Then Tanu came and she also "seriously" somewhat said that "she wanted a future with me". I was confused, I was not ready for this. Not that she is bad or anything, or that I don't like her. But thats a different issue, I've never thought about such a thing with her. I straight away told her that "We are just friends". For a lot of time it was getting angry and crying and going away. I still doubted that it was all a prank.

Later, she stopped replying after saying "bye forever". This was kind of alarming for me. This started looking serious. I didn't want an end to friendship if I didn't love her and she did. Its like punishing me for a crime I never did. So, I kept trying to talk, and she didn't reply.

After I was exhausted, I switched off the lights and tried to sleep. I don't generally ever switch off my PC, so it was on. And time and again I was looking at it for any reply. Then, my cell rang. It was Tanu! I picked up, not hesitating though, I was almost 99% sure it'd be Chahat, so she was. I explained her the whole issue and she asked me to somehow explain Tanu that I don't love her, but we're friends.

Now, I was more confused, it seemed real! What to do? Tanu... eh? She is not bad, looks good too... sometimes behaves impulsively, but most of the time is good to me. Why the hell did she fall in love with me?

Another thing to tell here is about my mom. Most of the time she is concerned about me, my good, etc. In the process she becomes overprotective. Most of the time she is pushing me to be with people of high academic profile. Unfortunately or fortunately, I don't compare or make friends on the basis of academics. Tanu is doing B.Sc. which SHE doesn't consider to be too great. So, she keeps asking, why are you meeting her, why are you going when she is inviting... and I give the usual explaination... "she's a friend".

So, my little brain went as far as "will my parents accept her". Not that I was ready for all this, but still. Chahat asked me to think about the matter, and so I was thinking. Also, surfing the net and talking about it with an internet friend.

Just then, then phone rang, Tanu again! I didn't know who would it be. But this time I was more bold and cheerful. One of the reasons was, whether a friend or a girl I like, or even the worst girl proposes you, your ego gets a cusion, an enhancement, and thats what happened, not that I wanted any relationship, but my mind had started to think.

She told me that it was a little prank about a bet to test how innocent I was. I said it was okay, talked for a while and then said bye.

This is the moment where I am sitting in front of the PC, just after 10-15 mins after I received the call. This state of mind is kind of blank. Just nothing coming to mind, as if there is no brain or no sensation. Why should I be sad? I didn't have any feelings. Why should I be happy? A girl just dumped me, even without first accepting. I wanted just friendship, then what is it that went wrong? She and Chahat are done with their "test" for my purity.

I want to come out of this place as soon as possible. I don't want to sleep, but how will I attend the class tomorrow? This watch of mine in the PC shows 8:47 AM, so I don't even know what the right time. And it looks to me that I am typing meaningless things in the blog, the description of today is over, but I just don't want to stop. There is nothing to do.

Okay, I stop. We'll try to sleep once more. I told Chahat too, that you've just eliminated "half the tension". God help me.

A fresh start...

2005-07-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

New semister, new start, new energy, new courses, new people around, new challenges, new room, new! Everything is going through a changeover here, and its nice, I am happy with the change. The new semister has just begun, or rather will soon begin, and I am looking forward to it.

I arrived Hyderabad on 14th July by train, ANDHRA PRADESH EXPRESS. It had not been long since I went away from college, just about 14 days!

Nothing much happened at home, except that I met my old friends, me, Rahul, Anni, Tapan and Anurag. We spent some time together, talking, playing, eating, roaming and seeing movies.

Rahul has not changed since he went to Russia, he is the same old, even after two years, and so I was happy. Just as soon as he met me, it was like we had met just yesterday. No, we didn't cry or anything, we are grown up now, hehe. Tapan had an accident so we could not go out a lot, and Anni was busy with his work as usual. Piyush got a little free, and Tanu was like, called up on the last day, when are you leaving, hehe.

It was nice to remain at home for a few more days. This time the feeling was different. This time there was no sadness that the holidays will soon end. Out of the 93 days of holidays, I just stayed about 40 days at home, but still I am content. Most of it is because I was able to meet all my friends and spend time with the family as well.

I didn't meet Prerna and Vijay bhaiya this time also. I had thought of giving a visit to their place at least once. After all I consider them one among the best friends. I called them up on the last day, that is, on the day I was supposed to leave for Hyderabad. They were so delited to talk to me, and a little angry that I didn't meet them. What I could sense from their talk was as if they were saying, come on dude, you've forgotten us, now just move on, no need to try to do anything. I want to correct all this when I go home next, maybe this December or maybe next year in June.

The new achievement is that I got my CAR AND TWO WHEELER GEARED EXCEEDING 50 CC DRIVING LICENSE finally. The driving test was almost as if it wasn't there. I drove alone to the RTO and then the person just asked me take out the car and park it back, piece of cake, and then just a digital photo. Will get the CARD in a few days.

Tonight, Tanu was behaving strangely, talking like she never talks, and I feel its like we are not so close friends or something, we are just friends. This is mainly because of her attitude towards me, a little arrogant all the time, and maybe there is some of my fault too. Anyways, I later found out that it was her new friend Chahat who was talking so friendlily, and not Tanu. It doesn't matter much to me, but it does matter a little bit.

I got the Farewell CDs of my school batch and was seeing them. My old batchmates, some of them I had forgotten, and some of them I wanted to see, some of them I didn't want to see. I showed the video to a couple of friends.

The video these days going on everywhere is of the song KAJRARE from BNB. Devansh Amit Sumeet Karthik Parag and Me, all are just completely hipnotized by the song. The act of Aish is a little hot and because of her sweetness, its even better. I love the song.

There were some problems in choosing where will I live in the coming time. Most of the people decided to go to the Old Boys Hostel. I was not compulsorily required to go there and later Ravi and Ashish pushed me to stay in the New Boys Hostel. Just then I understood that I can live a little far with Ashish and Ravi, but its difficult to leave people like Amit and Parag, the ones who are all the time around you and make the air lively. So, I chose to go to the OBH. There were minor problems in room allotment. Finally I got 184 OBH. I'll shift the room as soon as the other person vacates the room.

There are a lot more thoughts flowing in the mind at the moment, but I am half asleep, didn't sleep all night, so have no strength to carry on, thanks to Chahat and Tanu probably. Everything is new here, and I hope that the new semister will be fruitful.

Oh, I missed writing about the courses I have opted. I talked to professor PJN, and he suggested to take up Digital Image Processing and Pattern Recognition as the elective courses. Later Srikanth backed out of PR because of the heavy workload. I also opted out of PR. But PR is a important course for me, and I am considering to take it up again.

The result of the last semister has been nice, with a SGPA of 8.8 excluding a 4 credit course under professor MB Srinivas, so its expected to go even higher. Ok, ok, I'll leave now, bye.

Whats going on?

2005-06-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

I am here now, in college. I decided to come here on 16th night, and arrived on 19th morning. What made me come here? Everyone here is asking, why did I come? And so I am asking myself, why did I come? The most common answer I give them is that I was getting bored there. Whats here that won't get me bored too?

24 rooms in this corridor, 5 people left, of which none are the ones I talk to frequently. In all, not more than 6 friends in the whole college at the moment, and most of them are busy in their work. Then why did I come? Its as lonely as ever here. Seems like I have started liking this loneliness.

Someone might say, internet, you came here for internet. Its not true actually. Though I am using the internet here for 24 hours, but certainly that didn't appeal to me to leave home and travel in a bus to 1300 kilometres far college, suddenly, within 3 days, and that too in the middle of holidays.

I tell them, I want to do project work. Yes, I want to do project work, but its not that I am so devoted that I'd come here for that either. No, its not definitely to meet some person or girl. There is no girl here that I like, nor any friend whom I'll miss so much that I'll come so far to see him/her.

I came here for a change? What change? At home I was just getting up, eating, bathing, roaming, sleeping. Here I am getting up, bathing, roaming, chatting, doing work sometimes, sleeping. Though the work done is giving me satisfaction, but does this mean that I should like all this more than the company of my old pals? They are all there, waiting, complaining.

I am going home on 1st July, though my ticket is still not confirmed, the train is full and I am in the waiting list. Do I really want to go? YES! I want to go, I want to get out of this loneliness. Maybe this is what I came here to experience, the loneliness, sadness, once more, so that I happily return home and feel happy about being there.

Another crap reason I say is that my friends are getting free in July. Though its quite true but Tapan and Anni, two, not one but two of my best friends are free and waiting. Why did I come here and leave them? I am so so irresponsible towards friendships, I don't really deserve them.

And my mom, she always keep complaining that I am just into my friends when I come, and don't talk with family members. I have still not been able to strike a balance.

I am okay here, didn't sleep all night, no breakfast, noone to talk with online/offline, and waiting to have lunch. I will work on the project with Srikanth after lunch, hopefully.

Yesterday, I went to see Parineeta. Its a nice movie. I expected a sad ending, and my heart almost gave up hope that the movie will have a happy end. When at the end, things suddenly started going right, I was so so happy. I came out smiling of the theatre. Then we went to Pizza Hut for dinner.

Its difficult to concentrate on the monitor now, but I need to get ready and do project work. I am so so sleepy, but its all my fault. Anyways, I'll hope that my projects reach somewhere while I am here and I have a nice time with all back home when I return.

Please pray for me.

Its been difficult to write ** 16.06.2005

2005-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Its been very difficult to find a suitable time to write my diary entry. I don't generally prefer anyone reading or seeing it when I write it, or even after I have written it. Its just for me. I have been quite okay all these days. Most of the days I have not been doing anything fruitful. Just wasting time, roaming, talking, sleeping, eating. The mobile phone is quite a companion in passing time for me. With the cheap sms rates, I have been able to contact almost all of my friends who are not close by.

I'm almost happy these days. What does that mean? I am completely physically fit. There is no problem with anything else either. Everyone is fine at home, all my friends are well too. At home, the environment is a little more strict than at college. Unlike there, I cannot just do anything anytime. I have to follow a schedule, there is a time to wake up, time to sleep, time to eat, time to go out, etc. Most of the time I fail to do so, which causes tension, anger, etc. to my mom, to me, and others.

I met some of my friends a few days back, it was Taranum's place. She had invited us for lunch, Tapan and me. Tapan is not very very familiar with her, but still, out of courtesy, or maybe he is a batchmate, or as a new friend, she invited him too. It was nice there. We talked on various things. Her sister is a reporter in INDIA TV, well, I didn't even hear this name until she told me. She has made a lot of breaking news reports, and she was showing us some of them, especially the Mobile Cloning thing.

Day before, Tapan came over to Dewas from Indore, and I asked Piyush and Vikas to join. I had to pick up Vikas from his place, and the road was too bad. The car's bottom hit a rock, and was making unusual sounds. We went to the Tekri, a holy temple on the hill. Then, I dropped Piyush and Vikas on the return. Tapan and I had dinner at my place and then he left. It was nice spending time with friends.

Anirudha arrived to Indore yesterday. He gave me a call in the night. He said that we'd give Tapan a surprise and go directly to his place. He asked me to come to Indore today. But he didn't call, lazy boy. Tapan called up to tell me that he was going to Kota for a few days. So I told him about Anni, and asked him to call him and talk. He'll be back by 20th.

I'm learning to ride a bike properly. Though I know most of it, I am a little bad at the gear change and brakes, so I am practicing it. Jayant bhaiya is helping me do it. I have to give a driving test on 4th July to get my driving license. I am quite confident, as I know how to drive a car, and I think if I give a car driving test, they'd assume that I can ride a bike as well.

What else? There is nothing coming to my mind right now. Though I wanted to write so so much. Another thing to mention is my typing speed. Its been growing so so fast, I am so happy about it. Though whenever someone is looking at me intently or I try to think about it, I start making mistakes, but rest of the time, I'm good.

That day, I was sitting in the dark, with headphones on my ears, and playing FM Radio. I tuned to some unknown band. There was no electricity at home and the inverter was also on low battery. It was such a nice feeling, sitting in the dark and looking at my own shadow cast by the lights of the vehicles which were passing by. There is no such incident associated with me in the past, but the songs which were playing and the whole scene made me remember my past. The school days, the excitement, my two wheeler, my friends, the roaming around, the falling, the playing, the classes, teachers, my school, the assembly, and what not. After a while it said "Vividh Bharti mein aapka swagat hai", and I realized it was 101.60 FM. Then I tuned to Radio Mirchi, 98.40 FM. It was quite boring at that time, which was not expected.

In the old days, when I used to live in Indore, Radio Mirchi was started. This was a all new FM Radio Channel, which was private, and so a little more exciting, less formal, etc. Those days we used to hear it a lot, Anni and me, in his car, or maybe just me on my small Radio Machine, even while I was riding a bike.

Yesterday night I went to Piyush's place, he has an exam on 18th, Civil. I went there because there was a powercut and he couldn't study. We talked about some useless topics. Vikas was also there. We had dinner at his place, and then when power returned, I let them study and came back home.

I have been mentioning these small visits to friends because all these days I have been longing for these. My friends are either in Indore, where I can't go everyday, or have exams and so I can't disturb them. Today is 16 June. And my holidays are getting over very fast. I have nothing to do. Just now something has struck me. Why not go back to college for a few days, work on the projects and then come back again in July, when everyone will be free. This seems a nice idea. Even Rahul is coming back on 28th. So why not return on 1st July.

I'll think about it.

All these days

2005-06-10T01:31:00.000-07:00

I have been home since about 15 days now. Its been quite nice to be here, all the tensionfree, scheduleless life. Yeah, really, there is no schedule for me here. I can sleep when I want, wake up when I want, etc. etc. Its not like its the best thing to do in the summer, because these days I have hardly done anything. Free time all the time, this is how life is.

Okay, lets write it from the beginning. On 23rd of May 2005, at 4 AM, I was packing for the journey. At the same time, the skies were flooded with lightning and thunderstorms. I was supposed to catch a bus to reach the station. But, it started raining so heavily, I called up an autorickshaw driver to come and pick me up. Ashish helped me pack the remaining stuff, and we left for the main gate. Even Meghna came along. Soon, the auto arrived, and I was off for the journey. I reached the station well before time, and was getting bored.

The journey was fine, too hot though. Most of the time I was sleeping. I reached Bhopal at 10:30 PM. 16 hours of journey is really something. There my brother Chhotu had come to receive me. We went home, and I don't remember the rest. I slept late that night, and woke up at around 1:30 PM next day. I left for Dewas at around 8:00 PM. Dad was worried and called up on my cell. I didn't want to pick it up, but couldn't help. I reached home by 12 AM or something.

I was not so excited to be at home initially, but then slowly, things got better. I couldn't meet many friends except Piyush aka Ullu. He has exams till 28 June, so can't disturb him much.

Ohh god, the powercuts, they are terrible. In my college, there are no powercuts, there is a huge backup system in case there are any. Thats in Andhra Pradesh. My home is in Madhya Pradesh, which is a state suffering from power shortage problems. Powercuts here are frequent and unannounced. I was supposed to work on my project while I was at home. But initially, there were so so many powercuts that it was impossible to work, besides, here, the computer is not all that powerful. Slower internet bandwidth make it worse.

The more horrifying thing is the heat. I thought at least home would be cooler than college. But even here the temperatures were touching 45. And powercuts, oh god. The inverter system installed at home was enough to power a few fans for a few hours. It rained twice in these 15 days, making about 4-5 cooler than the rest.

I have been trying to get a fourwheeler vehicle driving license. Its not tough though. The procedure is a bit complicated. I still haven't practiced riding a bike, so that might give a little problem in the driving test. But, I have a month to practice.

What do I do all day? I have no work. I just go to my cousin Jayant aka Raju dada. He is doing a job at a finance company. Most of the day, he has not so much work, so I sit at his office and talk. In the evenings, we take a two wheeler and move about in the city, in the gardens, etc.

I don't have a girlfriend these days, and so people think I am looking for one. Yes, I am looking for one. But, its not like I am looking for anyone who is available. I want someone compatible with me, my behavior, my feelings, my qualities. Someone who can make me a better person, and maybe I can improve her too. Oh yes, she should be good looking, hehe. My bro keeps on telling me to go and propose my female friends. I refuse to. Why can't a boy and a girl just remain friends? I think they can very well remain friends.

Do I love someone? No. I don't love any girl yet. Its like I have a full picture of hers in my mind and I know that she will come. Seems like some wild dream, but I believe in it.

I have been waiting to talk to friends here. Many of them have exams and all. That day, Ashwin Palshikar called up. He is one nice guy, and well, has really good communication skills. We went for a movie, Nazar, a romantic thriller. And then, suddenly it struck me to meet Mrs. Khar, our chemistry teacher at school. She is one great teacher, so great, so caring, so devoted. We talked to her on various issues, including school, college, results, smoking, etc. Ashwin told her that in our school's 2003 batch, i.e. my batch, almost all of us have started smoking drinking except Ashwin, Tapan, myself and a countable few.

We left her house in the evening. We went to Ashwin's place. He had done the interiors of his dad's office, really nice. Then, we left at around 9:30 PM, after my mom kept on telling me to return. We reached Tapan's place, where I thought I was too sick to continue a journey back to Dewas. So, I informed mom that I'll be staying there in the night. The next morning I left for home.

Rahul is arriving from Russia on 28th June and Anirudh aka Anni on 17th. Till then I am not working on projects, not doing anything, just wasting time. I am thinking to join some summer class to learn something useful in this one month. I think most probably it will be a computer course, but I haven't decided anything yet.

And, I got a new sim card here, because its too costly to receive calls on my Hutch number. Rest is all fine. I'll end this writeup here. Preparing to take a shower at 1:30 PM... lol.

No progress...

2005-05-14T16:55:00.000-07:00

Well, ... first thing to mention, Riyanca, got a call, and issue over, hehe. Anyways, it was just because I wanted to talk, not because she asked me to, or mud forced me to, or Alvy adviced me to. And, well, obviously it won't be a very new thing, hehe. We've been talking since ages, so, it was all normal kinda talk, just like using MSN instead of Yahoo! Anyways, she'd be getting a new cell.... mobile... the device called MOBILE PHONE.... I mean a new SIM card... a new SIM card for a device called a mobile phone.... eh... forget it :).

The project work is .... err.. almost stagnant. The Mobile Blog thing has ZERO progress. The other project is just stuck in its faulty object clustering algorithm. Ohh gosh, its so so frustrating to just keep tickling with the code, make a change, here and there, compile, link and see the output, read more than 2000 numbers at a time and find out where it could be going wrong, and repeat this again, for hours, 4-5-6-8-10 !! Today definitely we'll find a solution. I'm thinking to replace the algorithm with another one which I found on the net. Not that ours is wrong, but what if the other one WORKS!!

Reminds me of a joke...
Theory is when you know how to do something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Engineering combines both, nothing works, and we don't know why! :(

Anyways, 15th May 2005. So we can actually have a countdown, hehe. 7 days to go. Seven? How?
15 + 7 = 22. Train on 23 Morning 6 AM, hehe, so SEVEN days to go. I am now somewhat excited about it. My fate, Anni must have left Indore today, so can't meet him till 17th June now. Lets see if Tapan is there. And Ullu, hehe.

I am kinda not carrying my PC home. I will have to take my harddisk, with my Linux and ofcourse, TEST DATA for the project, a lot of tutorials. I'll also take a few CDs, Fedora Core 2 setup, Support CD, and a few survival CDs. Maybe I'll need to carry my RAM chip too. Dad is getting a PC arranged at home, for my work. Not that there is no PC there, but 633 MHz 128 MB RAM is too slow to run FC2 and also processing the Visual data.

Ohh, that tells me that my summer holidays are going to be all ruined up because of the project work. Lets see. But my mom will keep pushing me to work as usual. Anyways, its good to go home, meet parents, relatives, friends, girlfriends(? ... eh.. i don't have any ;)).

Okay, I think that is it, I don't have anything else to write today, well, there was nothing to write anyway. I just keep writing garbage. And its not a problem because no one will ever read it, I won't allow anyone. Fouzia knows about this link, but she is forgetful enough, Sowmya, but she is careless enough, and Reshmi, err.... we'll see, hehe. I mean, its just an accident that three people already know the link, otherwise, I don't want anyone to read all this.

I'll be working on the project in the morning before breakfast,(hehe, yeah, I've been having breakfasts now), and then lets see.

Good Morning

2005-05-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

Introducing, the all new Anurag v2.2 Lx100, with the all new sleep early (all night) and get up early system and for the first time introducing features like eat-all-meals and take-breakfast-too.

Yes, finally, I have decided to behave "normally". What I noticed was that if I didn't change, I'd die. So, I decided to change. hehe. Anyways, last few days have been okay kinda, working a little, enjoying a little, not really sad or anything, but I don't know what feeling is it. Its the first time I have been through such situations, so. Ohh, what situations? Situations like,... umm... being so far away from friends, making a great friend who has never been physically near, being in the college when its holidays, not sleeping all night, having such long hair(eeeks), being at such a lonely place(no humans around, as I keep mentioning), an effort to make people understand the I-am-not-so-special thing.

Everything around looks so good, as if everyone around likes me, wants me, loves me, thinks good of me, and the way I behave, people tend to think that I am acting that way because "I" know that they care for me. I am not that kind of a guy. If "I" know that someone cares for me, I'll behave the same way if I didn't know. Most of the time people expect "If I care for you, you are bound to care for me.". I am against any such theory. Okay, any nice behavior will make my heart melt and eventually I will also care for the other person, but there is no obligation. Its like, he/she didn't put a condition that I'd love him/her too before going into "loving me". Loving someone is a "selfless" gesture, I think.

Anyways, coming out of this "abstract" discussion, nothing much is happening. Freaky came to work yesterday, but oh god, I was so so so sleepy, I almost drove him out of my room and continued sleeping. The other project, the mobile blog thing, is going well, I added albums, add album, add photos, now I have to give the delete and edit option. Then, give the add a photo/album to a post, and then, I am done with the server. Oops, there is still the J2ME application left, ooo, actually THAT is the main project, this is all the prerequisites, hehe.

Sam sir asked me if I was willing to do the WLAN project. I made him aware that I'd be leaving on 23rd, and it would be difficult to complete it by then. Ashish could work, but when I asked him, his answer was "not positive". Lets see what comes out of it. If we can do something, it would mean more money, hehe.

I am kind of excited about going home now. Well, yes, I want to meet my parents and sister and grandma, and uncles and aunts and theirs children.. in short.. all the relatives,.. hehe. I'd get to meet Tapan and hopefully Tanu. Besides all this part, I am actually excited about "living" the life "at home". All the "spoon feeding".. tension free environment and all. Okay, you think I am kidding right? Listen to this, every morning, when I return after brushing, I need to go up one floor and get a bottle full of water before I have anything to drink. Not that at home its always someone giving it, but still, its like, I don't know what, hehe. Then, I have to wait till 7:45 before I can get breakfast, not that I get up early all the time, but still. At home then, I can see TV, or read the newspaper, or just move about in the city. Not that here I can't do all that, but still, hehe. I mean, its not that I long for the "comfort" which my home provides me, its just the feeling of belonging, can't explain it in words.

Anyways, Anni is also coming back on 17th June, so, we'll meet then. Both Anni and Tapan are having Viral fever and Jaundice these days. I hope they'll be okay. Anyways, thats all about what I have been going through. For today, I will be mostly working on the CVIT thing, with Freaky, and take "all" my meals, hehe.

Confused and angry and sleepy and ...

2005-05-10T15:37:00.000-07:00

Well, Muddassir sent me a conversation between him and Riya. And I am reading it again and again, and again and again... I have read it more than 30 times now. Anyways, it is making me increasingly angry with myself, I mean, how irresponsibly I have been behaving and hurting people all around me.

Coming to the point, it all started with me saying, get a cell, we'll talk. Now when she got a cell, she expected me to call her, and I should have. I don't know what stopped me, and then, hours became days, weeks, months. I have pissed her completely because of the issue.

Its not that I don't want to talk to her, she is my best friend, so ofcourse I want to. What makes me stop then? I don't know. She asks me, what is it? I told her that I can't speak english. Its just an excuse. I am in complete dilemma.

I tell Mud that I want to call her, and he conveys that. I have her number, but I cannot dial it. Why? Because she has asked not to. This is also an excuse. I can dial it anytime I want to, I don't listen to anyone anyways, why will I listen to her order that I can't call her. But still, I don't dial. I cannot explain all this, maybe I fear that I will lose her, or maybe I think I am not presentable enough, but then, for a best friend, you don't need to present yourself, you just talk casually right?

Ohh, tell you what, when I am gonna reach home, I will talk to Tapan for like 3-5 hours per day on phone and spend something like 6 hours in person, hehe. Then, whats the difference? Mud, Taps, Anni, Rahul, Ullu and Riya.. my best friends... why are they not equal? That reminds me to call Ullu.

Anyways, I talked to Tanu today, actually just caught her online, not a long talk, just hi.. long time no see,. how are you.... i am fine.. gimme your new cell no... i'll wait for your msg... kinda talk. Maybe less than 3 mins. Also, Kaustubh Barua met me online, quite happy he is, but seems that he also lacks company like me. He was desperate to talk, but I was not much interested.

I saw the movie "Lucky" today. Actually, I wanted to see "Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani", but the VCD wasn't available, neither its there on the network. The movie is nice, I liked the heroine, her name is Sneha Ullal, really cute looks, and what a sweet voice she's got. She doesn't know acting at all.. hehe. The movie was not very good in the "storyline" aspect, but the camera work and direction was good.

Ohh, and I keep mentioning MY BEST FRIENDS as those 5. Its not just them. Now, I have new friends here in college, my BC group. They are a part of me now. We've been living together since 2 years now, so no one should think that they are less important to me, they are so caring, so loving, so funny, its great to be with them. Actually one can't compare whether those friends were good or these are? All have some place in my heart.

What else? Oooo, the CVIT project has finally begun. We got the cams, and were playing with it, taking some pics, oops, the pics are kinda censored, so can't put them up. Will take some other pics tomorrow morning, and put them up. Anyways, I have so much work left, in the CVIT project thing, I have to do my part tonight, because Freaky will be on my head tomorrow morning at 9. Its already 4:30. I am also working on the Blog server, and today I am thinking to add albums and all. But, its kinda getting too too complicated. Still I am moving on.

What? I don't sleep? Don't ask me that, I am not human. I work till 8. Freaky will come at 9 and we'll work all day, then, it will be evening, and I'll work again. Vicious circle. My diet has been getting bad too. No breakfast, no lunch and A SANDWICH and A COKE at dinner. Now tell me how will I survive? Everything is my fault, so can't even blame anyone.

I have decided to keep a low profile in the college and over the internet. Not logon too much, keep my cell off, not meet people much, just concentrate on work now. Thats how I can live without getting hurt. I believe that the problems are mine, the sorrows and all. So, no one else will come to correct them, I don't want to tell all this to anyone. So, I am writing in this blog. I don't want anyone to read. If someone does, eh, what can I say, don't come and sympathize or show anger or any other emotion. Its my life, and I know what to do with it.

Okay, this is the first post...

2005-05-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, I think I am too happy to find out that this blog server is actually working. My own blog server, hehe. Anyways, I have decided to post in this server till it slowly grows with more and more features. I will finally transfer the posts to blogspot. Its 10th May, 2005, 0625 hours, according to my server. I am working on it to make it better.

This evening, I was out with my friends, Ravi, Ashish and Meghna, for an outing "supposed" to be Ravi's birthday party. Well, he insisted that he'd give it when the whole BC group was here, so this one was kinda contribution party. Anyways, I was sleeping in the evening, at about 6:25 PM, when Ravi avidly banged my door. I got up and he said that we're going out. I had to get into shower almost immediately, I was so so deep in sleep that the soap was looking blurred to my eyes. Anyways, we went out to a restaurant, which was kinda expensive, hehe, and then, Ravi got us icecreams of HIS choice. I instantly rejected his choice for me, and took some other. The one he got for me was horrible. Then, amazingly, the other one tasted horrible too. I tasted the icecreams of everyone, and all tasted bad. Then I figured out that it was because of the Tinidazole I took in the evening.

We returned happily to the campus around 10. Then we talked and talked and talked, though Ravi got a little irritated. Anyways, then as Ravi had to get up early in the morning, and Ashish for no reason left the conversation. Meghna and I continued for a while, talking about different things, and cracking jokes. That ended at around 2:20.

When I had returned to my room, Avik sir came for some html help. After that, we saw some songs stored in my hard disk, which I never get the time to listen to. He left at around 5 AM. Then, I decided to work a little bit. It seems the Mobile Blog server is functioning quite well, and I am thinking to add more. I'll be awake till 10 maybe.

Summary: I am happy, working and ... hehe.. I don't know.

Ray of hope...

2005-05-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well, the time of posting was set to some wierd time zone. I repaired it today. So from now on, the time of posting IS the actual time of posting.

Anyways, yesterday evening, my neighbour and my friend, Ravi, returned unexpectedly. He got an internship in Satyam, will be joining today morning. Its also his birthday today, we didn't celebrate much, as he was tired of the twenty hour long train journey. Hope today we'll go somewhere.

His arrival has infused into me a new confidence to work. He, who wanted to live at home during the entire holidays, has come here to work, and is not at home, even on his birthday. All this has made me think and realize that I should work too. Lets hope for the best.

I have been working on the Mobile Blog project all night. Its made quite a lot of progress. I think another week of such hardwork would get me into a very good position. But, my routine is still the same, unhealthy. No sleep all night, no regular diet, it been quite bad. I have decided to repair that too. I have a few meetings with the professors and all, regarding the other CVIT project, after that, I need some sleep, I've been awake since,.. umm... I don't know.

My cell phone balance, ohh, its been a thing to worry about for me. Rs. 1000.95 is what is left now. Its not that I can't afford to spend more, but I just want to live in a responsible manner. So, I will try to reduce on this expenditure. Though, it will definitely dip below 1000 before tonight.

Rest is almost fine. I've stopped thinking about anything else but my projects, Mobile Blog and the CVIT one. Also, I am upgrading my website. I also think of merging the BCServer with Mobile Blog, I guess most of the readers wont get what I am saying, but it all means that I am beginning work, without wasting time in other non-constructive activities.

Cheers!!!

Don't feel like working..

2005-05-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a long time now, since I am awake, but apparently, I am not working. As Parag rightly predicted, the project work will slow down in his absence. The work seems to be huge, besides I am yet to start with the CVIT project. I am leaving on 23rd, and thats making me worried because I haven't worked a lot on the project, actually not even started.

Now that I am completely alone (ohh ya, sometimes friends do come to my room and see what am I doing, but thats not very often), I should work. I don't know why I am not. My mobile phone balance has been coming down exponentially, and I am kind of thinking to cut down on the extravagences(spelling's right, eh?).

I am now beginning to like this loneliness, this silence, I sometimes chat with myself, hehe. Now when someone comes to my door, instead of feeling happy that I have some company, I feel angered and disturbed. Most of the time, the person who comes to my room is in an joyful mood, and I feel as if he/she is laughing on my condition. My condition? Whats wrong with me? I am fine, eating, sleeping, enjoying, not-working.

Someone asked me, are you excited to go home? What kind of question is that? Ofcourse I am supposed to be excited about going home. Its been 5 months since I saw home. But, when I ask myself, am I excited? Am I happy?, the answer that comes from within is not positive. I don't know why.

So, finally, if I ask myself, why are you here? alone, locked up in a hot room, doing nothing. Are you hiding from someone? Avoiding something? What are you avoiding? Going home? You don't want to go home? Are you interested to work? I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to work. I don't want holidays. I am not happy here. I think I will not be happy at home. I am just confused.

Maybe its the heat thats driving me crazy. Maybe when I go home, everything will be fine. Maybe...

Sleepy, eh?

2005-05-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Its 9:54 AM now, and I've been awake since 5 PM. Its not a long time though, but I am thinking to recover from an inverted biological cycle. I've decided to sleep at 10 PM tonight, what ever happens.

Anyways, I've been working on the MB project, slow progress though. In the morning, when I was working seriously, I wanted to look up something on the internet...

The nameserver was unable to process the request.

Ohh, was such a disappointment. I then decided to revive all the good habits, took breakfast after.. err... 2 months maybe. Read the newspaper, good news, India's PSLV-C3 was launched successfully in orbit yesterday. These kind of achievements make me such proud about my country. I also want to contribute in some such way one day.

I'm in a good optimistic mood today, got a call from Freak, will see if I can get the cams. 11 AM... its time to see my ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE final exam papers, oh god, I'll flunk. Anyways, we'll see, I'm not kind of worried about it.

Akshay Sapre, my school friend, met me online on MSN. Seems being online on MSN is doing me good. Its not a big deal to be using Windows XP, but when I work, I need to be in Linux, and MSN crashes my messenger, so I avoid it. Anyways, he's studying law at Bhopal, graduating in 2008. He is with a lot of school friends.

Avneet Singh Bhatia (do I remember the name correctly, eh?), met him also online on MSN, he is also in Indore, will try to meet him when I return. Its not that I've any kind of special interest to meet these guys, but its good to see old school mates, I think.

I've not been doing much work at this place, not going out either. At 1 AM, I went to the canteen, to help myself with a burger and pepsi. I decided to walk to the college main gate to fetch money from the ATM machine. Its a long walk, I don't know why the ATM machine is installed so far. Its quite lonely and quiet in college these days. The path was dimly lit, no human around, and sounds only of the wild insects sitting around the grass and trees there. Amazingly, I was not thinking anything. Rather I was narrating to myself what I would write about this incident in the blog, crazy eh? The ATM machine cabit was cold, air conditioned, hehe. Then I quickly returned to my room, it was such a mess.

Till about 3:30, I was able to arrange it somehow. Then went for a shower. I had a severe headache, I was wet in sweat, and the cold shower, ooooh, but thats okay. Didn't damage me much. I kept on listening to songs. Bardaasht nahi kar sakta, ab door nahi reh sakta tere bin reminded me of the days with Anni, in his car, so great days were they.

Almost all day, I hardly get to see a human being. Though I don't have much work on the PC, but there is no alternative. This is summer hoidays, and all are gone home, except a few like me. I just keep telling myself to forget the lonliness and concentrate on work. This place, my PC, internet, nothing can make me feel the way it does at home. I'm so desperate to go. Its bad that my projects will still continue, and I'd have to carry this PC to home too.

My pulsating headache is still continuing, but I'm determined to sleep at 10PM. Its almost 11 now. I'll be getting ready to see the AI answer sheets. Hope everything is fine. My eyes are red and watery, and my back is so painful, the bed lies close by, I keep telling myself, I won't sleep.

Feeling better

2005-05-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Rahul didn't get his first call in the morning. Why? My wish. Its been a year or two, so another day won't matter. I've been talking with Mud, trying to solve this little problem with me. Ohh, ya right, I don't even mention what problem I have, why? Perhaps I guess this blog is not SECURE enough. hehe.

Anyways, I always thought my best friends knew that they are my best friends. I don't need to be explicit about it, or should I be? Now that its been two long years of separation from home, my friends, and what not, I guess I have learnt how to live without them. Ohh gosh, not again, come on, this is not first year that you are feeling home sick or anything. I guess I am mentioning all this once again because I think I have some responsibility for my dear ones.

My friend, Arun says, obviously you are not a part of their daily ruitine now, so you are kind of secondary. Ohh, even the thought of it makes me shiver, they were never secondary to me, why am I? Or do they feel the same way as I do? This dilemma is going to accompany me all life. I KNOW I won't be able to live AT HOME ever. Why? Be practical man, you're a software engineer, you have to be in a place where there is business, demand, work. My hometown has no business, no demand, no work.

I sometimes think of my parents, they brought me in this world, taught me how to speak, walk, talk, eat, etc, etc, etc. But am I a part of their life now. NO. I am just someone whom they care about, and who visits them once every six months. I don't know how to digest this fact.

Ohh, I've been reading someone's blog lately. Sad girl, thats what I came to know. Comparison ---> Competetion... well, comparing her and me, my sorrow is far behind in competetion with hers. But the way she lives, so determined, dedicated, trying to pull herself up from all the pain and depression, fills me with all the more energy to work and forget the pain.

Anyways, I guess, I can't write more. Its 7:24 AM here. I've been up all night. Neeraj left for his relatives place, we were there to see him off on the college main gate, Ashish, Meghna and myself. Ohh, and did I mention all the fun we had all day shopping clothes and toys for his little niece he is going to meet? Well, we also gave some presents from our side, hehe. Ohh, and I visited Hyderabad Central for the first time, hehe, Devansh keeps on pressing to go there, and everyone ignores it. Well, I've been ignoring him all day without reason, lets see, we'll go out for dinner tomorrow.

Okay, I can't hold any longer. Good Night!

Are you my friend?

2005-05-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

Friend? What does this term mean? Whom do you generally consider a friend? Is it the one whom you talk to...live with? share joys sorrows? How much materialistic things matter in friendship? Okay, let me explore some of the answers.

For me, a friend is someone whom I care about, wish that he/she is always happy, whether or not my friend remembers me... I always remember. A person generally makes friends at the work place, or classroom.. and nowadays over the internet. I meet so many people in life everyday. Some meet in person, some call me, some send letters, emails, some I see on television, some I meet over the internet. Does it mean all are my friends? Do I care about them equally?

Sometimes I think about degrees of friendship. This is how I think, this is just my way, patented. I consider two people, and think of a very very bad thing happening to them, say a damage in one of the eye, horrible right? Now, I try to compare, how much would it make me sad if it were to happen to those two people? And generally there is one which I care about more, and so I get hurt more, or even can't imagine such a thing to happen to them. Does that mean I can compare friendship on this basis?

Then, I think, what the hell. The person most in contact, the most I talk to is my best friend. Is it really true? Even if I keep talking to someone all day, how does that affect our relation? We can make two fake ids, I pretend to be a girl and she can be a guy, and we can talk anything romantic all day. Does it make us lovers? Don't we certainly know that nothing is going to come out of it, but still keep talking. Does it represent friendship either? That can be done over the phone also. Or even in person. There are so many such incidents. I saw a movie on that, don't remember the name though.

And by the way, I can seldom talk to my old school pals, and I bet they are no less than any friends I ever made. How do you define friendship then? I see them after some 6 months, 11 months, 4 years!! I don't think I would be able to accept any fact saying they are not my best friends in life.

Why am I writing all this? Because I am sad and angry. Not with anyone, but with myself. I have not been able to fulfil the requirements of my friends. I have made them sad. Some have even lost contact. When I talk to Rahul sometimes, say once every 1.5 years, his voice, the pain in it, it makes me angry with myself. I have all the facilities to talk to him every month if not everyday. I don't. Why? I don't know. Out of the 24 hours in a usual day, we spent almost 12 hours together (rest 12 are... 8 to sleep, 3 to study, 1 to eat)... and now, I am going to meet him, hopefully in 2006... we last met in 2003.

What do I do instead, talk to strangers, make new friends. Why? I am not even capable enough to sustain old friendships. I really don't deserve friends.

And I am not very good at maintaining my newly found friends either. Ohh, ya I claim they are ALSO my best friends, wow... but what do I do...?? Make them sad, all the time. They, I know for sure, are so dedicated, and love me so much. They don't know that I don't deserve their love. I clearly write it in my Yahoo profile... "Don't expect anything from me. I will turn you down." ... why do they believe in me so much then? Why do they expect I would fulfil anything? I am good for nothing lonely creature with no friends, why can't they just let me be lonely?

I don't know what to do next. I can't leave any friends now. They are all a part of my life now. Ohh.. ya ... now I know what to do... first call tomorrow morning is going to Rahul. We'll see what to do next after completing this step.

Business!!

2005-04-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

Ohh, this workload, this tension, this excitement, this experimentation. The project work has really picked up pace nowadays. I've been sleeping less and less these days. Though it doesn't mean I dont waste time or anything. I don't do anything for hours. But thats okay.

I've been getting weak day by day, you know how it is, bad diet, exertion and all. But its okay, I am alive. Actually the food I eat, everyday the same burger, the same coke, the same coffee. I need to change my habits, people keep telling me too, but I am dumb enough to ignore them.

This workload has some how overshadowed the loneliness, the sadness, the homesickness. I am going home on 23rd May, not even a month is left. I guess that has also empowered me to work, and forget the pain.

What pain do I have? I don't know. I have all the comforts, the facilities, companions, work, what not. But something inside is not right. I don't know why. And I am not even willing to, daring to find out. Some kind of void is inside me, and my sixth sense says,.. the end is near.

Kubuntu 5.00000000004...

2005-04-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

Ohhh.. gosh. Never waited longer to get 1 MB downloaded. This kubuntu linux CD... took 10 restarts and 2 days... 2 PCs and 2 men to complete... finally.. installed it. Initial hiccups and disappointments, still not very good, but still I am tending to like it. Nice KDE 3.4 apps, crashing and seg faults. Alien environment of Debain Linux.. and me a Redhat user.... still, its a nice experience. Most of the utilities are working here too. Gaim and firefox look bad... kaffeine crashes now and then.. amarok is great....

wow,.. is it my blog or a lug archive.. actually nothing else happened today.. was doing this thing all day. Met prof. Jawahar... will begin a project under him on visual tracking for security of sensitive places... will begin this monday.

Increased some marks in Algos.... so feeling happy...

Anni sms's and says that I am forgetting old friends.. he's gone mad.. i have always wanted to go home and meet my friends.. if there was no summer project.. i would have been there... how can i make him understand??

Rest is fine. I am a little lonely and a little sad.

No work day!!!!

2005-04-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

Today was.. a lazy day. I kept on doing something or the other on the PC till late in the night. In the morning, I got up just in time for the GPU Workshop, then thought, who wants to leave sweet soft cozy bed and went back to sleep again.

I had just one work to do all day. Programming Assignment 5 on Graphics. But then, complacent me, kept of delaying it. I did play volleyball a little. Then, my shorts tore from the centre while I was stretching out to hit the ball. That was the end of volleyball for me.

Parag kept on pressing to go for the regular jogging, but I realized I don't have much time left for the assignment, so I refused.

Rest is all fine. Not feeling very lonely today. I am afraid of Prof. PJN, because I skipped the workshop.

I am still struggling with the assignment, its almost done, 1 hour 57 minutes left for the submission to close. God help me.

Finally, there is some motion...

2005-04-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ohh, today was a nice day. Started off at 9AM in the morning, in a hurry. GPU workshop and DBMS exam papers checking, both at the same time. And then, when I reached Prof. Kamal for my DBMS paper, he asked for the ID card, and I had to walk back. And was late for the GPU workshop too.

The GPU workshop was nice. New thing to learn. Haven't been able to read the matter whole day, and the night doesn't seem free enough either.

The rest of the day was also fine. Ate too much at lunch and at dinner too.

Prof. Jawahar finally agreed to start a new CVIT summer project. Finally, I have some work to do and I feel better now. Things are starting to get interesting. But this internet is not attracting me anymore. I have stopped chatting for hours, and seems its a nice trend.

My headache is continuing even today. I don't know what causes it, besides, I haven't taken any medicine yet. Lets hope it get okay.

Okay, I'll take a leave. I have to finish my Graphics assignments.

Holidays are here.

2005-04-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ohh.. I always wanted these holidays. All this freeness, tension free life. But then, when they are here, I just feel, I don't need them. Its something like a void that has come along with these holidays.

I created this account so so many days ago, didn't write a word since long. Why am I writing today? Because I am lonely, not in the best of spirits, and a little sad too. There is no reason for all this.

I am not going home for 2 months this summer. I mean I am staying back in the summer holidays, for some project work. Maybe home sickness is the cause of all the trouble. But then, its not that I want to be at home either.

In short, I want a companion.